poemapromise

Deep

2012-02-15T23:46:00.003-06:00

I have begun reading again. More specifically, I am auditing a literature course this semester that looks at authors who grapple with and write about the themes of Doubt and Faith in their literature.

It has been good for me.
But my brain has some catching up to do. For the past 3 years I've tried to go into a library, or a bookstore and pick out a book worth reading and have been a complete failure in almost all attempts. I simply don't know what to read and find that it's been hard to get into any book beyond a quick fiction read. But I actually want to give my brain a tune up, and I do like reading, so I plunged in with optimism that this would be good for me. And that somehow I could tie together the themes of this class and the themes of my life.

I barely got through James Joyce's A Portrait of a Young Artist. I really resonated with Francois Maruiac's Viper's Tangle for many reasons, and because I felt like there is something of my own story in his story, I probably have gotten the most out of that book so far. I skipped The Place of the Lion by Charles Williams entirely. I did get through Graham Green's The Power and the Glory with the realization that there was a lot there that I probably only understood the first level or two about. Good thing I'm taking a class (auditing a class) that give me a chance to listen to someone expound on the depths of what is written.

And now comes Flannery O'Connor. I know I've read A Good Man is Hard to Find during my undergrad days at Wheaton. So I know there's much more beneath her writing than is first understood. I remember reading that short story in the library and thinking "huh?" But later on in class understanding more of layers of meaning. Last night when I sat down on the couch to read Good Country People, I had a bit of the same "huh?" reaction, though I did enjoy the story and laughed out loud in a couple of places. Not wanting to move from my comfortable position on the couch I called to my own philosophical theologian husband and asked him to google the story and tell me what it was I was missing. "Think about it yourself" he said.

Here is the rub. I do think. I think about a lot of things. But.... my analytic side has taken a plunge into the abyss especially since giving birth. I don't know exactly what happened, but somewhere between grad school, and then putting theory into practice through my work in China, getting married and having children my higher levels of thought and analytic criticism have all but disappeared. To be honest, figuring out the layers of Flannery O'Connor is an impossible task for me.

It's a good thing that my college roommate is an expert on the subject. So when I sat down to do a little (emphasis on little) reading about the story I had read last night, I was delighted to find that Beth wrote her dissertation on the very subject. Not only on Flannery O'Connor, but on the exact story I had just been befuddled by. And true to form, it's packed with meaning. Packed with allusions to all kinds of theoretical and theological references that I couldn't possibly catch with a "lay on the couch and peruse this story" kind of intent. Nope, Flannery takes the grandiose philosophical metaphors that have taken centuries to come up with and smacks them with theological truth and then weaves them into a story that is so earthy that you could miss the whole point.

From

Here's the kicker. Beth just had baby #3. She finished this dissertation while she had one child, a year before baby #2 (who is 2 weeks older than Josie) arrived. This woman is so incredible that somehow in the mothering, and teaching and being all that she is, didn't lose her brain cells or ability to think profoundly about ideas I've never even had. I feel deep just thinking about Beth. And so, I'm glad that I'm reading Flannery O'Connor and David James Duncan and Walker Percy and all the rest of the authors who write about things worth thinking about-- about doubt and faith and the grappling with both.

It's a nice change to think hard about ideas, and then snap back into the tyranny of the moment. Like these curls.

The next ~~few~~ images are literally 10 minutes of my life. Since Asher decided to wake up from his nap when I was just getting settled on thinking deep thoughts and reading my next Flannery O'Connor story which proved impossible, I just decided to watch my son do what he would do and record it.

Like eat crayons.

yes, that's the floor

yum

There's my computer nook, and he's about to turn off the computer entirely. I didn't get there in time.

Yes, that's the compost. I got him before he ate it this time. At least it wasn't the dirty toilet water he drank from a cup last week.

He then got out the broom (he might have been trying to make up for trying to eat the garbage, not sure)

Valiant effort.

Kind of.

See that chain on the top left of the door. We put that there yesterday.

For obvious reasons.

A good man is hard to find? Maybe that's the theme!

Found him!

Yes, deep thoughts have definitely passed me by. BUT LOOK AT THOSE CURLS!
Balance beam?

Good thing Dada came home just in time.

I wonder where those curls came from?

So much for deep thoughts, but if you decide to read my former roomie's dissertation about the aforementioned short story, you'd see that that deep thought to hang onto in this story is recovering humanity and not thinking too deeply but to be fully human. So, in reality, my ten minute watch of this little rascal is indeed a deep and holy occupation.

Thanks Flannery, and Beth, for helping me see it.

a kale kind of day (Happy Valentine's Day!)

2012-02-14T16:31:00.003-06:00

It's a kale kind of day. We can't pass by the garden without taking the opportunity to share our neighbor's kale crop.

Don't worry, I believe they said something like "please pick our kale, we will never be able to use it all"

We're taking their word for it.

Picking, washing, preparing, tasting. Kale chips are on the way!

You've got to make sure it's organic right?

Taste approved. Even the raw stuff. This is one of the only vegetables Josie voluntarily eats.

Did I mention the cleaning part? This is why. Josie isn't the only kale lover in town!

chatterbox

2012-02-13T21:51:00.000-06:00

This is from about a year ago... can you believe how much Josie has changed-- and Asher too, of course!

Thanks Joy Kinz for the book! As you can see, Josie loves reading it!

Tip #11: When the Curve Balls Keep Coming: More to consider when being a stay at home mom without losing your mind.

2012-02-13T21:40:00.002-06:00

Our guest post today is written by my dear friend Roz Arnold. Wife of Mark and mum of Matthew and Jonathan. Fellow wife of a Regent student and partner in not only motherhood, but moms group, small group, Sunday school, and so many other things, I have watched Roz go through the storm with grace for the day. When I asked her to be a guest writer, many of the things she described here were happening at the same time. If you can breathe enough to write from those places, you have something worth saying. There is good stuff here. I hope it encourages you. Thanks Roz.

As I sit and reflect on this theme of staying at home and not losing our minds, I am reminded of the depth of sacrifice my Mum made day in day out to train and raise my brother and me. She never reached that season of restored sanity which we all too easily assume we will reach when our toddlers have grown, a season when we can take up a book, with our cup of tea left over because the book has been read from cover to cover without interruption, rather than because a small voice has shouted ‘help’ or a disconcerting quietness has reached our ears. It is not until now as a mum myself, with my own identity and passions on the back burner, that I realise the sacrifice Mum made for us in being at home, and all that she laid aside to love and nurture her family. It never occurred to me that she would have other desires, other dreams, long to read books of her own or that my hundreth ‘why?’ was anything other than water off a duck’s back. Mum stayed at home and raised us only to have cancer claim her mind, and eventually life with us.

Reflecting on her journey, I am then made to sit back and rethink those moments I want to pull my hair out, so that I stop and remember that this is the moment that God has invited me to join Him in. I need to take a fresh look and to breathe; and as Susannah Wesley is quoted as doing, find quiet moments by pulling my apron up over my face so that I can ask God for His mercy for now, open my eyes to see the humour in it and see the grace of God in it. Then I can repent and ask forgiveness, take the apron down once more and hug my boys and hold them and guide them once more in the ways we need to walk.

But then comes the ball from left field, that one place you had not got covered. And not just once but 3 times. Before you’ve had time to stand tall again, the second one comes and you pray “ok God your word says that you work all things, the good and the bad, for good for your people. Well life feels like it has been taking a beating recently, but you are in it and working it for good, and I will accept more if more is part of your work for good for me (but we do have an understanding that right now we’ve probably got enough to be going on with don’t we?)“

Only to have a third ball from left field hit hard and deep and just when you thought you had been stretched as far as you could be, you get stretched out even further and flatter. And in the midst of all of this you still have to take hold of your 2 small boys and guide them in the ways we should walk. You’re flattened but you see the uncertainty and confusion written all over the face of your 2 year old and you have to pull yourself up so that at least your face is off the ground and you can look at him face to face.

Our 3 recent balls from left field have been severe mastitis (me), intensive construction work disruption, and appendicitis (my husband). We were beginning to realise how invasive the construction 10 ft from our door was going to be when I went down with mastitis, something antibiotics have normally been fast at working on for me, but not this time. Then out of the blue Mark went down with appendicitis which required 3 nights in hospital, surgery, and the following 2 weeks of not being allowed to carry anything over 10lbs (which meant he was no longer able to hold either of our boys.)

Up till then we had tag teamed the nights, as littlest one has wrestled with digestion and so needed to be upright for 2-3 hrs between feeds (by time he was ready for another feed) so we shared holding him through the night to ensure we each got a block of about 4 hours solid sleep. Without Mark, now it was up to me to feed and settle, sit and hold, and pray that the older one would not wake. But since he doesn’t miss a beat in life, Daddy being ill meant life was not as it should be, and because he is not a solid sleeper I would find myself wandering between the boys trying to soothe one back to sleep before the other one woke. Suddenly my nights consisted of 2-3 broken hours of sleep, and my days consisted of of a 2 year old ready to go when he woke in the morning, and a newborn who believes that he was made for nothing other than to be fed and held all day.

But, in those moments I realise how much our 2 year old has grown up. And when he sees my tears, he wipes them away, reminding me that God wipes away our tears. And I have been humbled as I kneel with him and say sorry for the times I have shouted or been angry simply because I am exhausted, and do not take the time to see what is happening from his eyes. Yes, there are times when training is needed, but not when I am exhausted and combustible. He, like me, needs grace upon grace and mercy upon mercy. And he needs to learn that I am now mummy to two boys, one of whom cannot yet follow directions and get themselves a snack out of the fridge.

These are the moments where God has invited me to join him in. And when I do that, I learn:
It is about staying in the moment, going further up and further in and remembering that we are being told our stories and not the full ins and outs of the stories of others, even our own children.

It is about trusting God right there and then and saying with open hands ‘your will, your grace, your mercy’.

It is about discerning safe places to be real about the moment, to ask for help, to receive help, to be honest, to not take life seriously, to change plans, and to let go of high ideals on how the house should be.

It is about recognising this as both a season that shall pass, but also as life in its fullest moment to be fully embraced and entered into.

It is about asking our children to follow us further in and further up. To reach back and offer a helping hand, to climb alongside them and in the midst of conversations about what it means for Daddy to have appendicitis and Thomas the tank engine; to read about Dogger and the Tiger who came to tea, and Daddy cannot do wrestle time with his stitches, and can I have a cookie now as you hold hands singing ‘Deep and Wide’ and ‘Joy to the World’.

Then before you know it you have come through that dark stretch of path. Conversations and activities carry on but the backdrop is not quite so daunting and unknown. Then we breathe more easily for the next stretch of the journey.

As Oswald Chambers once said

“If you can stay in the midst of turmoil unperplexed and calm because you see Jesus, that is God’s plan for your life. Not that you may be able to say, “I have done this and that and now it’s all right.” We have an idea that God is leading us to a certain goal, a desired heaven. He is not. To God the question of our getting to a particular end is mere incident. What we call process, God calls the end. God’s purpose is that you depend on him and his power now. God’s purpose is that you see him walking on the waves. No shore in sight. No success. Just the absolute certainty that it is all right because you see him.”

Life in Community (Probably the greatest gift for any stay at home mom!)

2012-02-10T23:05:00.000-06:00

I guess this could fall along the lines of my Motherhood series as a tip, but I this short post is just a shout out to the wonders of, and the gratefulness I have for community and friends.

Especially for friends who have small, mischievous, children who climb the walls.

And can laugh at that.

Today was one of those migraine days that started out alright. Had a lovely meeting with our little mom group and good conversation and fellowship.

But then the kids did not nap.
The headache got worse.
I went outside with the children in the misty rain to burn off some of their energy.
Asher promptly sat in a large mud puddle. I considered going home, but called a friend instead. She had a clean pair of pants that I had let her child borrow the previous week, along with dry socks, and to top it off, a bottle of homemade wine her husband presented as a gift. I got home with some semi-dry children and another friend sent a message asking if we wanted to come over for dinner.
Oh happy day.

Dinner done, kids asleep, taking a look at what the week holds. Thankful for friends.

Speaking of community, I get to cook pancakes for hundreds of families in the morning.... now THAT is a community event!

Wordless Wednesday

2012-02-08T17:13:00.002-06:00

Along Harmony Lines: Guest post by Karis Kemp on the motherhood series

2012-02-06T12:56:00.001-06:00

Karis Kemp was a leader on my first 3 week wilderness trip before my freshman year at Wheaton. During that High Road, I discovered a lot about myself and the other girls in my group-- a lot about dependence on God and others, and how to experience "Joy in the Journey". I also discovered my love for the wilderness during that trip and I do believe it was an important experience pointing me in the direction that my life took as I pursued it vocationally later on. Now, as a mother of 2, musician, and wife, Karis also has lots of life experience and insight into continual Joy in the Journey of motherhood. You can get to know her better through her musings on life over at Harmony Lines.

How do you be a stay at home mom without losing your mind?

When I decided to quit my job to stay home with my kids for a while, I felt like I was committing vocational suicide. My inner voice raged, "what have I done, and will that part of life ever come back?" To be completely honest, I had never really enjoyed babies before I had my own. I liked kids from 5 years on up, when they could communicate and hike without whining. When my friends would have babies, I would visit them, hold them, coo accordingly and then be very glad to return them to their parents. So when my husband and I found out we were pregnant for the first time, I was uncertain as to how I would be as a mom in general, let alone one who stays home with them full-time. Good thing there are 9 months to get used to the idea.

Fast forward to child number one. I adored him, and found that of all the little people in the world, he was one I could stand to be around and even change his diapers. Though, at this point in time I was not ready to give up my work just yet. Randy and I shared the care-taking, and it was not until (equally adored) child number two came along that I decided it made sense economically for me to stay home full time. Logically it made sense, but emotionally this was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made. For me, it was a very humbling time where I had to let go of my own identity and give myself to these selfish, needy creatures God had entrusted to me. Good-bye adult conversation, good-bye time alone, good-bye my skill set as I had known it, hello house, hello mess, hello multi-tasking, hello mommy groups, hello play dates. Good God - what have I entered into?

I will tell you now, in hindsight, I entered into a deeper understanding of love. In Matthew 10:39 we are told, "Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." Christ also tells us in John 10:10, "I have come that you may have life and have it to the full." There is a sense of loss in motherhood. There is a relinquishment of your identity and control, which for me took some prying loose of my proverbial fingers. What I didn't realize was that in the process of self-surrender I would find new life, and new fullness. In the giving up of my whole self: passion, energy, sweat, creativity, tears, love and joy, I found a more true version of who I was made to be. This the the paradox of the stay at home mom.

So my tip for not losing your sanity, other than laughing a lot and forgiving yourself, is to recognize that God is not just forming your kids as you stay home with them. He is forming you into His image, and it is beautiful. Let Him do His work.

Our Superbowl Sunday

2012-02-05T18:24:00.005-06:00

After a ride on the Ferry through the fog

And a drive up the Sunshine Coast

5 families have come to a place

to have a lot of fun

get some rest

and some fresh air

take the view

appreciate beauty

and watch the superbowl.

can't get much better than this.

How To Be a stay at home mom without losing your mind tip #10: A Simply Stylish Mom's perspective

2012-02-04T09:55:00.001-06:00

Anna Cohen is my friend and co-worker here at Acadia Park at UBC. A native of Australia, she now lives in Vancouver with her husband Michael and two boys Sam and Robbie. Not only does she have tips on motherhood, but also on all things fashion at her blog Simply Stylish Mom. I can certainly learn something from her about each!

A Simply Stylish Mom's Perspective
Having 2 little kids and staying at home full-time isn't for the weak hearted. Previous to having kids I worked with thirty kids in a tiny classroom and that was doable. So, staying in my own home with only two kids (that are mine), that's easy right? Not always. There are days when I want to tear my hair out: when both kids are screaming, I haven't had a shower, the house is an absolute mess, we've got people come for dinner and there's nothing in the fridge and it's pouring with rain outside...and I've just quit drinking caffeine ... So to make my life - and my kids lives easier, I've implemented a five point plan so that I won't lose my mind.
1. Plan, organise and scheduleWith my first textbook baby, from the day he was born I was a straight A student of the Baby Whisperer school of scheduling. His life followed an "EASY" (Eat, Awake, Sleep, You) routine and my life was pretty straight forward. Enter Baby 2 and life suddenly got more difficult. Not only was I not as faithful a follower of strict scheduling, but I had a difficult, attention-seeking 2 3/4 year old to deal with also. However, I still managed to get my life into some order with both of the boys napping at the same times and a consistent, yet flexible routine for the boys. I find that when I make plans ie. organise playdates, having regular activities planned for the kids, having a consistent nap schedule, the kids know what they're expecting and we all have things to look forward to. But it's also good to be flexible sometimes and allow yourself to see where the days goes. I find that three days of the week I have planned activities (preschool, Mom's group, playdates & classes) and then the other two days, we just go with the flow.

2. Nap-time: for allNap-times are sacred to me. When my boys had two naps a day I used to use one nap time to do household chores and the other to rest but once they dropped to one - and then to none - and especially after I started my blog and working part-time, I found that time was easily filled with work. So each day I try to make a consistent effort to do a restful activity when my youngest naps - either read, watch television, drink tea or have a nap myself. Try and do your household chores when your kids are awake and active. I get them involved with an activity eg. drawing or jigsaw puzzles or I get them to help me eg. give them a spare broom when I'm sweeping or give them a treat for helping me hang the laundry. Remember: nap-times are your time NOT chore time.

3. Go outside no matter what the weather isIn Vancouver it rains A LOT. And in other places it's sometimes too hot or too cold. We can make excuses but kids need to get outside everyday - and more than often, they don't care about the weather, it's usually us who cares! Bundle them up in rain gear/snow gear/sunscreen and hats, do the same yourself and get out there. It doesn't need to be an adventurous activity, often we just wander to our local village or go for a nature walk, but it's absolutely vital that they get the exercise and fresh air and get a change of scenery.

4. Treat yourself each dayWhether it be a coffee to-go, some chocolate or a cheeky reality tv show, indulge yourself at some point of the day. It isn't selfish, it's keeping you sane. Our kids are constantly on us wanting us to do things for them - and most often we do but we forget about ourselves. I've gone many a day wondering what one earth I ate all day or realising that I haven't cleaned my teeth (disgusting yes) for hours. We have to look after ourselves as well as our kids!

5. Prioritize me-timeAside from a small treat, I think we have to not forget that we're not just Moms, we're beautiful women outside of our families who need interests aside from our kids. So many times my other Mom friends and I go out for drinks and we end up talking about our kids. We have to separate ourselves from our kids and develop our own interests. We also have to work on our relationships with our husbands and not just talk about the kids with each other but talk about the things we discussed pre-kids, do you even remember those days?!? What did you love doing before you had kids? What do you still enjoy doing or wish you could do if you had the time? Hand your kids over to your husband, family, friends or babysitters and make time to do your own thing - I go to yoga, catch up with my girlfriends, even sometimes go to the movies on my own (I LOVE it!) You need to have 'me-time'. It's sometime to look forward to during those stay-at-home days when your kids are driving you up the wall and it's a time when you're not someone's Mom, you're just you.

Being a stay at home mom without losing your mind tip #9: Simplify

2012-02-03T15:08:00.000-06:00

My cousin/cousin's wife Nancy and I are blog swapping today. I'm posting a marriage tip (which is different from simply marrying a sexy husband) and she's sharing her motherhood wisdom. You can check out my post and her blog over at The Good Enough Mom

Pay attention to this post, we're talking woman-with-experience-here! With 5 kids, Nancy keeps busy and has lots of insight on this whole motherhood gig. She lives in Wheaton, IL with her husband (my eldest cousin, Jeremy) and 5 kids Bethany, Alison, Meredith, Bradford and Abigail.

Being a stay at home mom without losing your mind tip #9: Simplify

Sometimes we stay-at-home moms think we have it pretty tough. In some ways we do. But I was just talking with my mom today about what moms used to do with their kids all day, and I realized just how easy we have it. When she and my dad were little, most kids didn't have many toys--there weren't even all that many toys available in those days. Moms stayed home with their kids, often without a car. There weren't always many kids around to play with. Moms didn't go out every day or even every other day to the library, to the children's museum, to playgroups and preschool. TV wasn't really for kids in those days. Moms were more busy with household tasks--baking more from scratch, sewing their own clothes, ironing those all-cotton sheets and clothes. And they didn't think of playing with their kids the way we do now. It kind of makes your mind spin, doesn't it?

I certainly don't want to go back to those days. I’m very glad that I have outings to break up my days and opportunities to connect with other moms. But is there something to learn here? Are we perhaps too tuned in to our kids, too much the perpetual cruise director? Are we too busy? We coordinate entertainment and outings nearly every day. We set up all kinds of things for them to do when we are home. We scour the internet for clever and enriching activities for our preschoolers. Even our young kids have a social life, and sometimes it seems like we're just along to be the chauffeur.

I think there’s a cost to all that activity. It’s hard to keep up with housekeeping tasks. It’s exhausting when we feel like we have to keep our children happy every minute. We feel an overwhelming responsibility to help our kids be the best and the brightest—and in the process of trying to raise superkids we get super burned out.

So here's what I'm thinking. What would happen if we all pulled back just a little bit? What if we let our kids in on what we are doing instead of always centering our lives around them? What if we let them be bored once in a while, and didn't succumb to turning on the TV every time they can't find something to do? What if we got rid of some of their toys so they could learn to be creative with the more basic toys? What if we simplified?

Here's what I think would happen: I think we would be less scattered and overwhelmed. I think our lives would be less chaotic and more contemplative. I think we would spend less time cleaning if we had less stuff. I think our kids would learn to think for themselves and entertain themselves if we didn't step in and help them every time they didn't know what to do. I think they would grow up to be happier, more contented people if they weren't used to constant activity. And I think they'd learn to be more focused on others and not expect people to cater to their every desire.

It's scary to pull back and simplify. It certainly isn't easy. There will be growing pains while the kids learn how to live with a simplified lifestyle. They will whine and complain and say they are bored. We will see other moms doing fun and creative things and we'll feel guilty that we aren't as exciting as they are. It's definitely an uphill battle, one that is counter-cultural. But I think it may be worth it. Or at least I think it's worth trying. Maybe there's one thing I could do to simplify this week. One bag's worth of toys we could part with. One trip to the park we could trade for playing in our own yard. One trip to the library we could replace with reading a few books at home. One educational activity I could replace with baking bread together. One frazzled stay-at-home mom who could be replaced by a more peaceful version of myself.

Where to shop "cheap" in Vancouver. A list of places to shop for food, clothes, kids, and other needs when you are on a budget.

2012-02-02T17:55:00.000-06:00

If you indeed must go to a store and purchase something (that is, if you can't find it free or cheap on Craig's List or under the various stuff drop off points around campus) then this post is for you. To know how to live cheaply with kids, check out my Simply Stylish Mom friend Anna's Blog post. Also, My friend Marcela is every Spanish speaking person who wants to know about Vancouver's dream blogger. There's much more to learn by visited her blog http://www.mividaencanada.com. She's graciously translated and given me a list of places she recommends for shopping! Marcela take it away!

Where to shop "cheap" in Vancouver

This post will be handy to those families that arenew to Vancouver or those who have been living here for a short period of time.

Food
T & T: aChinese grocery store that has very fresh fish and good prices. Most of theiringredients are Asian and it is a great source of fresh veggies.

YoungBrothers:Young Brothers: This is, I believe, THE cheapest produce store in the west side of Vancouver, and everyone knows this, so it is always busy. The corridors are narrow and there is many people trying to move around, but this store is considerably cheaper for fruits and veggies. I personally think the quality of the products is very good, but I have heard contrary opinions on this matter. The cons are that you can only pay cash and the service is not the friendliest. The store is on Broadway, between Trutch and Balaclava (Kitsilano).

Superstore: Big grocery store where you can find not onlyfood but cleaning products, household items, kitchen supplies, personal hygieneand even cloth.

No-frills: A smaller version of Superstore, Ibelieve is the same company. This is one of the most affordable stores in town.There is one on Alma and 4th Ave. and a larger one on Broadway and Cambie St.

Costco: This warehouse sells everything in large sizes, sokeep in mind that you need some storage space (or fridge space). To buythere you do need a membership (annual around $50) and most times that you gothere you end up with a large chart, so a car is suggested to take your thingshome.

Safeway: Regulargrocery store with very good meat and poultry products. You can request a freecard / membership and it allows you to have "customers' price". Also,every first Tuesday of every month is customer's appreciation day and you get10% off your bill.

For the house

IKEA: Well, some people like Ikea, some don’t, but I findthat the value of the things for people who just arrived to the city and wantto purchase furniture is great. With a relative small budget you can get a goodamount of options to fill in your home.

Costco: I found that their towels and linens are reallygood quality and a fair price. The have a small selection of kitchen items andelectronics but pretty good prices. However the nature of this business it tobuy bulk, so it's normal to find not one but two coffee makers… so sharing isencouraged.

Wal-Mart: I personally don’t like Wal-Mart very much; they dohave a wide variety of hose items such as linens, bath products, organizing thehouse, toys, cosmetics, gardening and clothing. The con is that it is not inVancouver, but it is located in Burnaby and North Vancouver.

Wonder bucks: This isa cute store that can come very handy. They have everything that you need inthe kitchen/house and the bathroom. I've spotted two stores one on Broadway @Oak St. and the other one on Commercial Dr, I believe close to 2nd.

Zellers and Army and Navy werepreviously described.

Clothing

Winners: They have affordableprices for clothing and there are several stores in the city. Besides cloththis store has household items and shoes. The good thing is that they offersales in many occasions, the cons is that is not that easy to find your size inall the items, so you do have to spend some time looking for the right piece.

H & M: Goodselection of clothing and affordable prices.

Costco: Althoughthis warehouse is mostly for food/home items, they have a selection of simpleclothing articles (and shoes) and most times the prices are quite affordable.

Zellers: has agood selection of clothing. The store is not limited to cloth it has a largehouse department, food, toys, decoration, etc. The only store in Vancouver islocated in Oakridge Mall (41st @ Cambie St.)

Dressew: If youlike to make your own clothing, there is a great store downtown will a hugeselection of fabrics and supplies. The address is: 337 w.Hastings St.

R&W Co. Thisstore is a good option for a casual working wardrobe. Compared to other similarstores, this one offers good prices and the designs are very nice. The clothsthat I have purchased there have been of great quality and long lasting, so Irecommend this store.

Consignment stores: Secondhand clothing that can be a good option for some families. You can find a widevariety of vintage clothing on Main St.

Electronics
Best Buy: This store has a good selection of items and good prices as well.

Future Shop: This store is not so cheap, but it's good to check their prices, sometimesthey have good sales.

Handy Appliances: This place is located on FraserSt. @ 17th Ave. They sell washer machines, dryer machines, refrigerators,stoves, microwaves, etc. All are semi-new. Not sure if this is true or not, butI hear that the things from this store are from open houses or movie sets, soyou pay a better price for them because they are not brand new, but haven’treally been used.

Dolarama: This isone of the best dollar stores in town. It is a big and clean store with everyitem that you need in your house, toys, kitchen, bathroom, pets, etc. One storeis on Arbutus and 27-28th and the other one on Commercial Dr. and Broadway.

Sports andoutdoors

MEC (Mountain Equipment Co-op): Ilove this store. Their clothing is great, lasts a long time and perfect for thepurpose. You can get rain and winter clothing for kids and adults and all thegear that you want for different sports.

Winners: Previouslydescribed also has sports clothing (including yoga).

Army and Navy has a good selection of campingequipment.

Sports Junkies: A very popular store in Vancouverbecause it has second-hand sports clothing and equipment at affordable prices.Many families take their kid's equipment once they overgrow them, so when youhave children, this items are great to have in a cheaper price (than new). Thestore is located on Broadway and Manitoba St. (very close to Main St.)

Other stores:
Home Depot: fortools, house products, gardening, kitchen and bathroom items.

Canadian Tire: good forcamping equipment, automobile, sports, kitchen and cleaning items.

Shoppers Drug Mart: Play the points game and save. We shop when there are 20x the points andredeem them on the 2 or so days a year where they count!

wordless wednesday

2012-02-01T17:25:00.000-06:00

With Fear and Trembling. Tip #8 for being a stay at home mom without losing your mind.

2012-01-31T17:49:00.000-06:00

When Josie drops in a puddle at my feet despairingly crying "I can't" when I've asked her to do a simple task (like put her socks on, for instance,) I have to admit that her posture is all too familiar. To be honest, I am too often that child crying out in fear that the task of motherhood is far too much for me. What I forget is that I have a loving father who knows that I can do the task, and when I get especially worked up about it, he welcomes me on his lap to place his hands over mine to guide me and help me to do what he's asked of me. This reflection (which I've written:) is about moments like that, and what comes after.

Sometimes we are calledto do more than we possibly think we can, and so we approach thetask, with fear and trembling, aware of our own limits and completelysurrendered to the help and strength of God. Suddenly, when we are at theend of our own strength, a complete dependant, in that place,at his mercy, we are filled with all the capacities we need toapproach the task ahead of us, one step (and usually only one) at atime.

And that's what I feelabout motherhood.

Almost 12 years ago, Isat on the bank of a river in Mongolia after a summer of experiencingMongolia alongside people who lived and worked there. I was one of 5students from Wheaton who spent the summer working alongside otherBrits and Americans running children's camps as a way to blessvarious neighborhoods. By the end of the summer, we had lived for 8weeks in gers with Mongolian families in the city and countryside andhad been exposed to a radically different way of life. My view ofGod and his work in the world was so radically challenged andtransformed that I knew Mongolia had “gotten into my blood.” Theday before we left, I sat with my 2 Sarahs (both girls on my team were named Sarah) on the river bank and one of them asked me “where do you see yourself in 5 years?” I don't evenknow how long I thought about the question but answered somethinglike “doing discipleship and leading wilderness trips in Mongolia.”

Her response wentsomething like “Katie Evans, you are crazy!” But that afternoonsome kind of seed was planted, a desire to do something significant,a desire to dream of impossible things. And I was filled with aweand wonder about this five year plan-- could it really happen? Withthis dream in mind, I lived the next 9 years with a vision of thisdream, this “something” way bigger than myself. The idea that Iwas just a little crazy was actually a complement, and I approached my daysand decisions (at this point I was entering my senior year ofcollege, so many decisions were on the horizon) with a healthy doseof fear and trembling, and an excitement for what might be possible.

I have no doubt thatthis was God's Spirit nudging me into the impossible dream. And hemade that dream come alive in ways I could never ever expect. A tripto Urbana (a missions conference held every 3 years by IVCF) in thenext 6 months opened me to the possibility of working in China andpaying off school debt. Countless conversations along with prayers frompeople who lived impossible dreams were road markers that gave mecourage to step out into the complete unknown and follow this inklingthat I was on an adventure with God. Boy was I ever.

Those of you who knowthe rest of the story know where that adventure took me. Those ofyou who may not know me-- that adventure took me to lots of placesand points in my life of complete and total surrender to God, and manymany surprising and exciting, along with heartbreaking and difficult places. This blog records from mid-grad school (4 years after Ifirst moved to China) till now. (Basically it starts almost 5 yearsfrom the riverside talk—this is the recorded story of 5 years andbeyond!) The short story is that my 5 year plan of doingdiscipleship and wilderness ministry in Mongolia was pretty shortsighted. I was leading trips with my students in Mongolia 2 yearsfrom that riverside revelation. God had plenty of bigger plans and Isometimes walked, sometimes ran, sometimes was dragged protestingalongside him those past 9 years with lots of wonder and heartbreak,amazement and disbelief. What God did was get my attention back in2000, and certain that I wasn't alone, I was willing to follow him,though I was regularly overwhelmed at the journeyahead. But God continued to be faithful, and boy, I sure thoughtI learned a lot about this adventure called life.

Enter Motherhood. Heremy fears of being unprepared are legitamized. In becoming a mother Ientered my vocation with a small sense of fear and trembling. But as I go further on this path, that sense grows, because the tasktruly is an impossible one without the grace of God.

I'm not sure if Istarted thinking about parenthood that way, however. A year after wewere married, Dave and I thought that maybe we were ready to start afamily. Ready? Who is ever ready to have children? Ready to plungeinto a lifelong commitment of caring for the bodies and souls ofother human beings completely dependent on you? Ready for sleeplessnights and hardly ever a moment to yourself? Ready for a mess thatis impossible to keep under control, constant demands for attention(and at the moment, blueberries), constant needs, tantrums, desires,risks, worries, and being the one who is bottom line responsible forother human lives. Who in their right mind, newly married andstarstruck, can be ready for that?

I certainly observedfamilies in the close community that I lived and worked with. Thepeople with families were the ones that didn't have the freedom totravel around the world like I did. They were home early and had naptimes to attend to. The moms in my community, who were among my bestfriends, didn't have the advantage of spending hours whenever they wanted exploring thecity on bikes or meandering among alleys in the old and ever changingcity of Tianjin. The moms didn't lead backpacking trips and iffamilies did in fact make it out to the countryside or villages inChina, those with children always walked more slowly and had toanswer a million questions. Moms meal planned and did huge shoppingtrips (I ate a lot of street food when I felt like it and haddifficulty deciding what to tell my Ayi (helper) to cook mefor dinner!) But the moms (in my very unrealistic and removedobservation) didn't have the same responsibilities and timerestrictions I had. They didn't need to be at school at 7 am toteach, they weren't asked to stay late for meetings. They could meetfor Bible study during the day and they could wear jeans every dayand not be restricted by a dress code. (Notice that I didn't reallythink about the fact they had to get kids ready to be at school at7:30 am, pack lunches, do the laundry, cook the meals and entertainlittle ones in an concrete jungle. Yeah, I guess I didn't take thatinto much consideration.)

So I lived and workedin a community of families and moms and began to wonder what thatfamily life (especially abroad) was all about. I got married and thepossibility of motherhood was within reach. I turned 29 a had adesire to be a youngish mom so I was open to the possibility ofhaving children soon. I started to train for a half marathon which Inever ran because three months later, I was pregnant, and to behonest, surprisingly miserable. I'd heard about morning sickness—butI didn't know what that meant. I soon found out. I quickly became thecranky, moody, vomiting pregnant person who had NO IDEA what justhappened.

What was this babygrowing inside me business all about? I was awestruck as I watchedthe week by week transformation taking place in baby books and in me. I read what I could get my hands on, because that was where I wouldlearn about the changes that come with pregnancy. It wasn't mymidwife that explained what was going on-- that's for sure! Having babies seemed to be a speciality in China and has been for a very longtime so why shouldn't I take the cheaper route prenatal care and childbirth and go a Chinese hospital? It's all well and fine if youspeak Chinese and are used to Chinese culture surroundingchildbeariug. But, if in fact neither of these things are familiarto you, there are certain challenges that come from theseexperiences.

Then there was thebirth. And the move across the world 3 weeks later. And the moveacross the continent 6 months after that. And throw in a 3,200 milemonth long road trip in there x2 before Josie was 7 months old, andat least 7 different flights. All that to say the word transitionwas the summary of our lives.

Oh yeah, and when Josie was 7 months old, and we were living in a new country, with newidentities and hadn't quite established our community or sense ofpurpose, rhythm, finance, living situation-- here throw in a surprise pregnancy.

I think my 31^stbirthday (when I was 20 weeks pregnant with Asher) was the point intime where I had a reality check and took a good look at what being amom was all about and that sense of “fear and trembling” tookhold of my heart. Try as I could, sifting through the jumble of mypresent life for some recognition of who I had been was a murky task. Finding my sense of purpose apart from a milk machine and diaperchanger in a new place and new community was really hard. Istruggled with a fear that I hadn't quite done my tasks in China tothe best of my ability and left my work unfinished, work that I wouldnever have a chance to do again, and I grieved that. Actually, sinceI hadn't really had a chance to build a “RAFT” to help make thereally huge transition that had been my life for the last year, theweight of its immensity finally gave me a reality check; I hadentered into a new phase of life that I had really no idea about andno vision for before it was fully upon me. And there was no turningback. (I bet I had a sense of that after marriage, but withparenthood, I really had that sense!)

Have you felt thatoverwhelming weight of doubt in your abilities to rise to a callingbefore you? A fear that you were completely incapable to meet theneeds of the day? A place of constant fear and trembling? I havebeen there. I was there.

But I realized too,that I had been there before. That place of doubt and questioning. That place of uncertainty that I was where I was supposed to be. That place of longing to be something more than I was, to have avision that was higher than I could see, to have faith that this wasindeed a good place meant for me. I recognized the tension, Irecognized the desire to call out God with words that only he couldplace in my heart. I recognized that I had in fact been here before,and that is was a place where I knew quite clearly that the task Iwas called to was indeed much much bigger than I could possibly do onmy own. Motherhood was and continues to be, a miracle. It is animpossiblity without a Creator making it happen, and without the sameCreator sustaining and co-creating in me to make it continue tohappen. The only real way we can approach it is with a healthy senseof fear and trembling.

It's in that place thatwe are properly in place beside the one who in fact created us. Weare aware of our own finiteness and God's infinity. We are awarethat we have been entrusted with something beyond our wildestimagination, capable of almost anything, something that can cause thegreatest amount of joy along with the greatest amount of pain,something we are called to love the rest of our lives and giveourselves to: a child. In my case at that moment, children.

For me, it was themoment of darkness where Hope whispered again “You are not alone. I am here. I am beside you as you mother. I know where you came fromand I know where you are going. I was there before you were, and Iwill be forever. Nothing is far from my knowledge, nothing isimpossible with my power. Be rightly related to me and stand amazedwhen I do this awe inspiring task of parenting a child through you. Of course you aren't prepared, you aren't ready, you aren't perfect. That's why you are my child. And you know what? Children are ablessing. They are my gift to you, a sacred gift that I haveentrusted you with because I love you and I want you to grow as mychild. They are harder to control than anything else you've tried,and they will show you your absolute dependence on me more directlythan any other job you've put your mind to. That's why you need me. You always have and you always will.”

We are called to be parents, like we are called to be disciples, and in both circumstances, we are only capable as Christ makes us capable. Oswalds Chambers says it well

"If we are to be disciples of Jesus, we must be made disciples supernaturally; as long as we have the dead set purpose of being disciples we may be sure we are not. "I have chosen you." That is the way the grace of God begins. It is a constraint we cannot get away from; we can disobey it, but we cannot generate it. The drawing is done by the supernatural grace of God, and we never can trace where His work begins. Our Lord’s making of a disciple is supernatural. He does not build on any natural capacity at all. God does not ask us to do the things that are easy to us naturally; He only asks us to do the things we are perfectly fitted to do by His grace, and the cross will come along that line always."

I decided toname the surprise child I was carrying “Blessed” as a reminder that he wasa miraculous gift and blessing, a reminder that both of my childrencame from God's own hand and with His help I am able to be the motherthat he intended me to be.

But this thought, thethought of God giving us what we need to be parents also raises lotsof questions. It is quite clear that in this world therecertainly are children whose parents are completely unable to be theparents that they need. There is legitimate suffering that leaves orphans in its wake. What if, for the hundreds ofthousands of orphans in need of parents, there are hundreds ofthousands of parents who can bring them into their families as their ownchildren? I have so much more on this train of thought, and I'lladmit that there is just a little fear and trembling as I think aboutwhat adoption might mean in our future, but I'll be honest to saythat thought is certainly there, and making a rather large impression on me these days. Certainly this is a place of complete dependency on Godand worth of it's own book.

I also think of myparents raising me with a healthy dose of fear and trembling. But I'll be honest in saying that they did a really good job in handing mylife over to God when they realized that their immediate work ofbeing my primary caretaker was coming to a close. God wasindeed working in my life. It must be a wonderful feeling to seeyour children walking with God on their own, changing roles from being the caregiver fortheir every need to becoming their cheerleader in the race of faith. To trust God in those times when trust is like a wisp of aspiders web blowing in the wind. But kudos to my parents for havingit. For falling back on God's grace when they didn't have answers. For looking for help when they were overwhelmed. For showing bytheir own example their personal need for God to be the center oftheir lives. This is just a personal thank you for all that you'vedone to show the way in being parents in a world that demands our noholding back falling on God's grace kind of life.

Thank you Mom and Dad, for living my out my need to have that all dependent reliance on God in bringing us up.

In summary:

Let there be a holy dose of fear and trembling as you approach the overwhelming task of parenting BUT also let it

throw you into prayer
heighten your sense of the Holy
give you awe for the task that has been entrusted to you
give you compassion and respect for others who are on the same journey as you are
transform you into one wholly reliant on God's grace and the cross
open your sense of wonder to what God might want to do in and through you in an entirely new way

five years and amazed

2012-01-29T23:57:00.000-06:00

Five years ago we were posing in the Forbidden City for an engagement photo. When you get engaged the future seems like a wonderful, exciting, unknown journey laid out before you. At least some of the time. Looking back at what the five years has been, I'm amazed.

What newly engaged couple can imagine that five years into the future they would have a 2.5 year old budding artist creating masterpieces by the bookful at the kitchen table?

Or that a little boy would be anxious to watch you shave as you hurriedly get ready for church in the morning?

Or that your Sundays would be spent with two and three year olds discovering the secrets of the Kingdom of God? (Instead of listening to Shane Claiborne preach at your church) I reassure myself that telling the parable of the mustard seed is probably a similar one to Shane's, urging us to be an active part of God's work here on earth.

The kids were certainly into it today, and to be honest, it was a lovely class. We're getting the hang of each other and our Young Children and Worship curriculum which is just lovely indeed. The time spent making all the materials and investing in the children has been well worth it.

Five years from promising someone I'd be their life partner and then do just that. Nope, there's no way that I could have seen those five years into the future when I said, "Yes, I will marry you!" It was the right decision, boy was it ever.

I'm exhausted just thinking of the last five years. (And this is what I do when I get mentally exhausted- make hats for friends who have had new babies-- I know they will be exhausted too!.

Anyway, pictures from five years ago and from today. Have you looked back at the last five years and been amazed?

Being a Stay at Home Mom Without Losing Your Mind Tip #7: Trecking through Transitions

2012-01-28T17:15:00.000-06:00

Rachel Deering is a former classmate and housemate of mine at Wheaton. She lives with her husband Mark and children: Caleb, Abbey and Nathan in Nashville. Growing up as a TCK, she's had lots of transitions. I'm sure that her experiences have helped her weather the motherhood journey with grace and an ability to get though the storm (and help others along the way!) Thanks Rachel!

Transitions

When I became a mom 7 years ago, I knew it was going to be a HUGE transition. My life was going to change. What I wasn't completely prepared for were all of the transitions that motherhood would continue to produce in my life. When i talk to my friends about struggles in the daily grind of motherhood, it often surrounds a transition in the child's life, and thus a transition in parenting. Here are a few big ones:

Baby sleeping through the night. Potty training. Giving up the pacifier. Giving up the thumb sucking. Sleeping in his/her own bed. Going to college. (yikes!!!) Stopping the tantrums. Moving to a big boy/girl bed. Going to kindergarten. First babysitter. Potty training at night. Giving up their nap. And the list goes on...

There are few things I have learned along the way that have helped during times of transition. 3 kids produce A LOT of transitions. Even as I write down this list, I am reminded of things that I need to focus on for my sanity today. Here are a few transition "reminders" or "unchanging truths" that I focus on when I begin to pull my hair out:

1. Someone else's baby/child will do this transition better or faster than my child.

Okay, this is a big one. For some reason, we compare our children to other children. Heck, to their brothers and sisters. And in that moment, we forget that each child is a unique gift from God. Unique. And comparing each child's progress during a transition is undermining God's unique individual. One thing that I have found helpful is setting myself up for disappointment from the start. I am not trying to sound negative...but lowering the expectation and recognizing that someone's child probably slept through the night from day 1 (note the current transition I am dealing with) helps me relax. And helps my child. And we enjoy one another a lot more when I am not stressed about the transition.

2. Some other mom will do this transition more gracefully than me.

I could be making a huge assumption here - but I tend to compare myself to other moms. And during an already tough transition, I am just pouring salt on the wound. I am the only mom to my 3 kids. And again, God thought I would be a pretty good mom to these 3 kids. There are days that I really doubt this, and it only makes things worse. So once again, I try to recognize that other moms will have more grace than me in certain transitions. Do I think they would do a better job then me with my children?? No, that is not what I am saying. Does the sin living in me try to convince me that they might be a better parent to my children? Yes. I need God's grace to recognize the truth: that I am the best mom for my 3 kids. The mom's that handle transitions better then me are the ones allowing God's grace to live through them during that transition.

3. Parents and child have to both be ready for the transition.

This is a lesson I have learned through trial and error. I remember when my son wanted to use the bathroom himself. I thought...wow, this is great! He is ready to give up diapers at 22 months. Let's do this thing. Big mistake. I was not ready for the time commitment and follow through. Did I mention I had a 4 month old baby and moved to a new house? I was not able to fully commit to the transition. I learned lesson and waited until we were both ready when my daughter was old enough to be potty trained. Who cares if she wore diapers a little longer? When both of us were on the same page, the transition was smooth. I am not saying easy, but smooth. I didn't pull all of my hair out and I actually was a pleasant person to be around.

4. Lastly, the transition will eventually happen whether you like it or not.

Your son or daughter will not wear diapers in college. He will sleep through the night, and she will one day not come out of her room 23 times in one night. I have to remind myself DAILY that things will eventually happen. Sometimes I forget this reality, and push my kids too hard. Other times, I don't want things to change and I hold them back. I want to protect them but at the same time I need to realize that they have to learn through trial and error just like me. The best thing I can do for my kids is to pray over them. Daily. That God would protect them during these transitions and help me to let go and to reel them in at all the right times.

So when I hear the question, "Is your baby sleeping through the night yet?", I take a breath and try not to stress. I try really hard to not compare myself to the mom who is asking the question, or compare my son to the overachiever I heard about, and try really hard not to run home and micro-manage my family. Do I succeed at all of this? No. But reminding myself of these truths helps me not lose my mind.

How to be a Stay-At-Home-Mom Without Loosing Your Mind Tip #6: Tell the Truth

2012-01-27T18:40:00.001-06:00

Jenn Monroe is another "Wheatie" (i.e. person who attended Wheaton College) who graduated before I did. We didn't know each other at Wheaton, but when we both attended the Regent College Family Group 2 years ago, we recognized each other. We were both spouses of Regent Students, and stay at home moms. I guess once a Wheatie, always a Wheatie because we realized we had a lot in common and became fast friends. Jenn now lives in New Mexico with her husband Kurt and three kids Ian, Anna, and Calum. You can enjoy her motherhood musings (and laugh out loud on a regular basis) on her blog: Jennifer's Super-Fantastic Old-Time Blog-O-Rama

How to be a Stay-At-Home-Mom Without Loosing Your Mind: Tell the Truth

Have you ever heard of the concept of“flow”? It's a term invented bypsychologists to describe what happens to us when we're fully and completelyimmersed in a task, so much so that the world around us almost disappears andwe are caught up in the sheer joy of doing a task for the the task's sake. Here's a bit more of what wikipedia has tosay about the concept: “In flow, the emotions are not just contained andchanneled, but positive, energized, and aligned with the task at hand. To becaught in the ennui of depression or the agitation of anxiety is to be barredfrom flow. The hallmark of flow is a feeling of spontaneous joy, even rapture,while performing a task, although flow is also described as a deep focus onnothing but the activity – not even oneself or one's emotions.” I would venture to say that most of us havefelt this at some point or other, perhaps in the midst of an art project orfiguring out a tricky algorithm, while playing a musical instrument or out fora long run. Suddenly you realize, orperhaps you only realize in retrospect, that you have been experiencing flow,an incredible, intimate sense that I was made for this. I have experienced flow many times in mylife: while teaching English, while writing, while leading worship, whilekneading bread, while working on a sewing project, even in the midst of anintensely intellectually-challenging conversation, and in prayer.

I have almost never experienced flow whiledoing my job as a mom.

More often, my job as a mom ischaracterized by fits and starts, frustration, aggravation, anddisappointment. I flounder more than Ifly. Heck, it feels like I flounderpretty much all of the time. And ifwe're honest about it, that's the way most jobs go, right? Most people don't wake up every morningthinking, “Gee I'm SO glad I get to go to work today. It's going to be so awesome!” Most people, if they're fortunate, have jobsthat they often can tolerate, occasionally enjoy, and in rare moments, they canfeel that ineffable sense of flow, of profound joy, ofalls-right-with-the-world-ness.

In my job as a high school English teacher,I think it would be fair to say that a lot of the time I felt like I struggled,some of the time I really liked it, and a few times it was just pureglory. Even with those kinds ofpercentages, though, I feel like I enjoy my job as a mom way less and themoments of glory have been way fewer and father between.

I get really frustrated when I talk to momswho have chosen to work outside of the home who say things to me like, “I don'tknow how you do it. I just don't think Ihave it in me to spend my whole day with young children;” or “I don't feel fulfilledat home. My job is really such a part of who I am;” or “I'm just not thestay-at-home type.” When I'm feelingvery charitable, I imagine that people say these things because they think thatI do love spending all day with young children or that I am fulfilled by “justbeing a mom,” or that I am that “type.” What I want to tell them is “Frankly, I don't think this is 'me'either.” When I gave up my job as ateacher and then as director of worship at a church, I did not do it with asense of relief, like I was finally going to get to focus on the thing I hadalways wanted to do. For me, giving upmy jobs was a wrench, a real moment of self-emptying sacrifice. I loved those jobs. I loved knowing when Iwas doing them well. I loved working with adults on projects that really feltlike they mattered. I loved gettingpositive feedback and having someone occasionally say, “hey, you're doing agood job.” I loved using my brain tosolve problems that felt like they had real weight. I loved it.

Now, please don't jump in here to reassureme that, of course, the job I'm doing here at home has weight and significance,that raising children is the only work that eternally matters and that being amom at home is as important as being a productive member of the workplace. I know all of those things are true. Really, I do. When I finally made the decision to quit teaching completely, the womenI worked with did a really lovely thing and had a surprise party for me, celebratingmy decision. At the party, one of thewomen talked about the fact that being a mom and raising kids is a lot likebeing a medieval stone mason or wood carver, working on one tiny part of acathedral that would never be completed in his lifetime. Mothers spend endless amounts of time andenergy on a project that they never get to see come to fruition,completely. That woman gave me abeautiful book of European cathedrals that I treasure as a reminder of thisbeautiful image. I get it, really I do. The fact still remains, there is asignificant difference between knowing a thing to be true and feeling like itis true most of the time. Much of thetime my job feels about as significant and rewarding as the money I makedoing it. Not every difficult moment hasan “ah ha” that follows. Not everyfrustration has a silver lining. Notevery terrible day has a latent sermon illustration about grace lurking aroundthe corner. There are some days when Ifeel like the person I was before I became a mom is lost forever, and I don'teven know who I am now.

The problem is that in evangelicalChristian culture, there is not a lot of room for a mom to admit that she can actually dislike her job. Perhaps itsa push back against the feminist movement or perhaps it was always there all along,but it seems like what John Eldridge, James Dobson and others of their ilk havedone to Christian women is make them feel as though staying at home with theirkids is the only Christian option, and not only that, but it must be done withjoy and thankfulness, all the time. Now,I have to say, I do believe that there are some people out there who truly dolove most parts of motherhood, who are so eager to begin that they can hardlywait until they have children and who then feel as though they are livingimpossibly blessed lives from the moment of their fist child's perfectlynatural at-home birth onward. Or atleast, that's what their facebook updates and blog posts would lead you tobelieve. But I have come to terms withthe belief that this state of mind says more about these women's particularpersonalities, rather than about the state of their faith or the level of theirChristian commitment.

Ironically enough, one of the greatestpieces of encouragements I have recently gotten about being a stay-at-home momcame from a documentary I watched on PBS about the “independent women” inmodern television shows. The showhighlighted the changing role of women on TV, from the June Cleaver days rightthrough Mary Tyler Moore and up to Nurse Jackie and Sex and the City. One of the shows on which it focused was DesperateHousewives, a show which, in some ways, parodied the role of the perfecthappy homemaker, and in other ways made some pointed observations about theconflict between our culture's embrace of the feminist movement (which freed womento do anything that they darn well pleased with their lives) and our reluctanceto give up on the idealization of motherhood. One of the creators of the showdescribed his shock when, at a high school reunion, one of his formerclassmates responded to the question, “So, do you just love being amom?” with a flat but honest “No.” MarcCherry described his surprise, saying, “I didn't know women could say that outloud.” He then describes a moment in theshow when one of the characters has a breakdown, completely overwhelmed by thepressures of being a mother, and is comforted by some of the other women whoadmit to feeling the same way. “But whydon't we talk about this?” she asks, the fear and shame of admitting it shakingher to her core.

Why indeed.

There is a lot to be afraid of in admittingthat your life as a mom is not quite everything you would like it to be. Not only could you be incurring the scorn ofsecular culture who thinks that any woman who chooses to stay home when shecould be in the workplace is either less intelligent and capable than herprofessional counterparts or somehow laboring under the tyranny of anold-fashioned, male-dominated archetype(nothing, in my case, could be further from the truth). On the other hand, admitting our realfrustrations is to invite criticism from a Christian culture which wouldquestion our womanliness and commitment to faith and family in the first place(again, not the truth). We are stuckbetween a rock and a hard place. MarcCherry acknowledged that when he started shopping his idea for DesperateHousewives around, he met with significant resistance from female networkexecutives who were convinced that no women would ever want to watch theshow. He described their attitude aslatent prejudice against the idea of a woman choosing to stay at home and raiseher children, in spite of all of the reasons not to. He then made the following statement, which Ifound somewhat astonishing: “I find anywoman who wants to be a wife and mother and devote her life to creating a home,I find there's something quietly and beautifully heroic about that.”

That line, “quietly and beautifully heroic”has stuck with me, and I've been seeing more and more of you quietly andbeautifully heroic women popping up all over the place. You refuse to write what one writer hasdescribed as “evergreen mommy blogs” but rather on your blogs and in yourreal-life conversations you wrestle and reveal and repent in very public ways. You are woman enough to acknowledge that youare not a victim, that your husband or society or any other male-dominatedhegemony did not force you into this, but that you chose this life, in spiteof the fact that there are many other ways of going about it. You don't regret your decisions, not oneiota, but you also are frank about the fact that not regretting it doesn't meanthat it hasn't come at a very high cost. You are not masochists and youare not crazy (though at times you might have your doubts), but you know thatto preserve what sanity you have you must simply be honest about yourexperience doing the job that, for this moment, you have been called todo. You celebrate the good things (andof course, there are so, so many good things) without allowing yourselves tofall into the trap of pretending that there are only good things. You are not self-absorbed whiners, not reallyanyway, but you refuse to try to live up to someone else's idea of how youshould feel. You are triumphant, heroictruth-tellers, risking criticism and pigeon-holing and contempt.

And now I'm proud to be one of you.

Being a Stay at home Mom without losing your mind tip #5: take the time to embrace the extremes

2012-01-27T01:27:00.000-06:00

A reflection on reflecting by Guest Writer Kim Smith
Kim was my roommate and partner in crime for my first couple of years living in China. She lives with her husband Patrick, and children Moyer and Keturah. Their third child, Marilla, is waiting to join her forever family as soon as the adoption paperwork clears! You can find out all about their story over at Asiaramblin

During most moments of most days I would consider myself highly unqualified to write any post for a series entitled being a stay at home mom without losing your mind. So when Katie asked if I'd contribute, I chuckled a little, and wrote her back saying "I'd think about it."

I am a stay-at-home-mom.

And I'm always fighting the "not losing your mind" battle.

But tips? For other moms?

You won't see many of those over on my blog.

I put a guest post for Poemapromise on my long-term project list, and then got back to being a lump. You see, we were stuck inside with a sick girl during a vacation week, and I wasn't feeling so very insightful. But then Katie left a comment over on that post--the one detailing our stuck-inside state--saying that I may have just what she's looking for . . .

And though I didn't see it myself, she's right.

Go down to the bottom of this post, the second one in Katie's series. Read the title there--at the bottom--reflect.

That's what I do. That's how I stay sane. And like Katie, for me, writing aids me in making sense of it all.

And the reflection that I posted over on my blog today, just may encourage you to reflect on a certain aspect of life at home with kids.

It's about extremes.

Often my posts stick to the cute, funny, and endearing sides of my kids. Sure I allude to the other end of the spectrum often enough, but what I post in detail for public consumption is on the positive side. And for me, this is healthy. When I take the time to write up an endearing moment, and post it on our blog, I'm making sense of the crazier, less endearing moments in our day, and focusing on the positive. It's like the new mom, who after a heinous night's sleep with her little-nursing-one, wakes up to a winning smile, and declares that it's all worth it.

So here's my tip for reflecting:

As you take time to make sense of it all, ask yourself this: Is it possible that the difficult moments allow you to more deeply and fully appreciate the sweet moments you also experience in your parenting journey?

My post does share both extremes this time--admittedly though, I omitted the gory details of my daughter's unreasonable behavior, and my (perhaps also unreasonable) response to this behavior--but still allows me to fully appreciate that sweet moment that occured just hours after the tantrum.

Maybe you don't blog. Or even write. But we all reflect in some way. You may do this best by yourself. Perhaps you reflect best with a listening ear at hand. Either way, take some time to enjoy both ends of your parenting spectrum. And if for you, it's good to get all of those gory details out there, well, why not? Just be sure to acknowledge--and appreciate--that your extremes are on both ends of the spectrum.

Do you agree that the lows make the highs feel higher, the crazy times make the peace that much more peaceful, and the tantrums make the smiles that much sweeter?

.....This is what it looks like.....

extremes by

kim smith

of asiaramblin

Yesterday, just after her not-quite-long-enough nap, while I was trying to get in an afternoon rest time for myself, Keturah appeared at my bedside:

"Mom, can I color?" She was holding a Pooh Bear coloring book and a package of twistable crayons.

Just to be sure that she hadn't been pillaging in places forbidden, I asked, "Are these from our activity bag?"

"But, mom, I want to color."

I clarified, "I think it would be great if you colored, Keturah. I just want to know where these came from."

Over-tired and worked up, Keturah tells me, not in a very calm way that they're indeed from the red and white activity bag. I assured her that it would be fine with me if she colored with them.

She climbs onto the bed and sets up shop beside me--right next to my pillow. "Mom, I want to color with you." Okay, I tell her, but I'm just going to watch. It's my rest time.

"But I want you to hold the book!" With a little delicate negotiation, we work out a solution--with my head still on my pillow, I rest my arm over the edge of her coloring book, holding it opened for her.

She carefully colors one of the pads of Pooh Bear's feet blue. Impressively, she colored it completely and stayed within the lines. Then she was done.

With coloring.

But not done with coloring.

As in, she was done coloring herself. But she was not done with the activity "coloring with mom." Which somehow meant that now I'm stuck coloring while she watches (and directs) on my bed, next to my pillow, during my rest time.

This did not work out, and did not end so well.

This extremely unreasonable behavior from my daughter was balanced by another episode not so long later. Keturah appeared again.

I was in bed. (I slept off and on once my rest time got started . . . actually, I was kind of down and out yesterday too. Thank goodness for daddy and CNY vacation week!) Patrick was sitting beside me, checking in. Keturah, carrying a couple of torn out pages from the Pooh Bear coloring book, delivered them to us, announcing that "this is very important paperwork."

We were both amused; I assumed that her documents were daddy-inspired. Playing "office"perhaps?

Then she informed us, "because we're getting a baby."

Oh, it's adoption paperwork!

Keturah went off to fill in more forms, Moyer joined her, and eventually I think they prepared the baby a care package too:

"More paperwork?" I overhead Moyer ask her.

"Actually, it's a present, " she tells him.

"For the baby?" I watched Moyer bend down to help her over on the far side of our bed. I don't know what their play entailed after that, but I'd heard enough to fill my "how-incredibly-sweet-is-that" quota for the day . . .

Is the sweet end of the spectrum more-so because we get to see the other extreme too, I wonder?

Being a stay at home mom without losing your mind tip #4: Laugh first, then get down to business.

2012-01-25T23:04:00.000-06:00

I have been so challenged by motherhood that I ventured to ask my mommy friends what some of their best tips and tricks for keeping their sanity while at home with the kids. You'll start to notice lots of my good friends posting here with their timeless advice!

Leslie Day is a dear friend and former housemate of mine. She has two little boys, Jonathan and Ryan and holds down the fort for the family while her husband James serves abroad in the US military. Needless to say, she's got a lot on her plate, and I certainly have learned A LOT from her. The following comes as no surprise from a soul who has one of the best laughs and smiles I've ever seen!

Tip #4: Have a sense of humor

So many of the situations we find ourselves in with our children are actually very funny. We get frustrated when these "amusing" circumstances block our goals.
Some examples from my house . . . stretching underpants on the head when (trying to) get dressed for school, singing silly songs while (instead of) eating breakfast, chasing each other with blanket capes around the kitchen island in the midst of dinner preparations.

I am the first to recognize that there is a time to laugh and be silly and a time to get down to business. But is there a way we can sustain the joy and also accomplish our purposes?

Maybe we could laugh, sing along, play chase for just a few moments, then redirect the children's energies to another task (or another room). This way the children feel like we are part of the fun and yet we can still get the job done (perhaps even more efficiently) after play. Plus when we decided to let go and join in, the resulting smiles and laughter are good for us mommies too.

Thanks Leslie. Kind of like this morning when Josie was feeling particularly holy and decided to anoint her head with oil (i.e. she poured a bottle of baby oil all over her head! Or like Asher's deciding to cry for an hour before sleeping tonight only to come downstairs and grab a cookie and smear chocolate all over his face, and satisfied, go to sleep.) Yes, indeed a time to laugh, and to keep moving the kids in the right direction-- even when you are exhausted, even when you don't find the moment particularly funny (remember, you probably will someday). And I love Jonathan's totally antic filled, toothless grin. I wonder where that tooth went? (Did you laugh, then?)

Living cheap in Vancouver. Granola, Rocks, and some tips from friends.

2012-01-24T12:32:00.001-06:00

“These are a few ofmy favorite things..”

When we lived in Chinabuying boxes of cereal was mostly out of the question as buying it at theimport store was out of anyone's price range. So, to complement a normal chinese breakfast, I would make granola by the bucketful. So,we could have a quick breakfast in the morning before school, it wascheap, and it was western when we needed that. Now, in Vancouver, wewalk down the cereal isles with a similar sentiment: “I'm notpaying that price for cereal!” Sure, we get the occassional salecereals and stock up, but for the most part, cheerios is our splurge.

We eat a lot ofoatmeal, which is actually a great thing. But the clean up of stove cooked oatmeal is a little too messy. (And we all know that we have enough messed to clean up!)

Sometimes you want something just a little different (and a little easier to clean up!)

Yesterday I made this granola. Make it in bulk and you've got breakfast for weeks. Add yogurt and berries and it's a treat! And beats store bought cereal any day.

Rocks. The totally new and cool toy to have! Hours of endless fun. You can even play with them on a gloomy, rainy, cold, and inside kind of day like today.

Head out to you localbeach (when it's not raining). Pick up some rocks. Bring them home.Make a face on them, create a family, pets, friends, whatever. Playand play and play.

There's even researchto back up the importance of children getting outside and playing ina natural environment. But in the event of a downpour, bring natureinside!

(A little known secretabout my past is that I would regularly set up shop in our graveldriveway trying to sell rocks in paper cups. Since we lived milesfrom any town and no one could possibly see what I was up to, my dadwas the one who funded my little business. But maybe in Vancouverthere is a bigger market for rock toys? You could even set up shop!)

Tips from Friends on living in Vancouver on a tight budget:

I had asked mycommunity earlier about what they do to live simply and fully here inVancouver. Here are some of their ideas:

We swap baby-sitting with our neighbors, we put our kids to bed, then go out for a few hours. When we go out on a date at night we try to eat dinner at home, and then just split an appy, or a desert, so we still feel we are getting the experience of dinning out without the big bill at the end.

We also have an understanding with our closes friends when it comes to our kids' birthdays. We only buy their kids a token gift of a few dollars, like a wind up toy, each kids big day is acknowledge but with out breaking the bank. And at 2 they don't have a concept of how much things cost, so they don't care, their just happy to get a present.

We do joint dinners with our neighbors, we make what ever we were going to, and just bring it over to their house. It gives us all a chance to socialize, and it gives the kids a chance to try some different foods. Another cheap, fun outing is going to UBC hockey games. $2 with a student or community services card.

We also send out our daughter's art as presents to family members. It helps thin the copious amount of art we hold on to and the family loves it and feels acknowledged.

I also try to shop based on what's on sale, and meal plan around that.

Every couple of years years we check in on our budget. We track all expenses and write them down. That we we check to make sure that we are spending the amount we think we are and we see if there are any new areas where we can try to trim our expenses. This past fall we decided we that we would try to save more money on parking. When we go to 10th, 12th or 4th ave, we try to find side street parking instead so we don't have to pay the meter.

and a couple reliable coupon websites to check out
www.save.ca
www.gocoupons.ca

Old Friends

2012-01-23T22:27:00.001-06:00

Our family made the journey to Olympia,Washington this weekend to see the wedding ceremony of some old friends. Krista and Patrick got married! But to be honest, the 6+ hours of driving in the rain each way was worth every minute of seeing these two lao peng youmen. Katie and Krista, my former students turned friends for the long haul. Katie, now living in Atlanta with her husband Ryan, and Krista, headed back to China with her new hubby Patrick. A wedding to remember our own beginnings, as our story is so similar to theirs.

Love you ladies !

We did manage a family picture, but unfortunately I didn't have my camera on hand for the wedding. Oh well. Here's what we look like after a long morning in the car and a wedding!

Being a stay at home mom without losing your mind tip #3: Living in light of Eternity

2012-01-23T11:00:00.001-06:00

The past 2 years I was uniquely blessed to have met and been shownextraordinary hospitality by the Brenners. David and Madeiline hosted my Dave for a summer while he interned at thechurch they attended. (Though"attended" is a rather non-impressive word for what they did at UPC,as they were amazingly involved in ministry at all levels of the church). Even before I dated Dave I heard about theBrenners because, well, put simply, they were amazing people. And as Dave and I grew in our relationshipand then prepared for marriage, we looked to people in our own transformativetimes of life for clues in how we wanted to live. Here is where I really heard aboutMadeline. You see, Madeline has anamazing house. And more impressive toDave is that it is orderly, and there are stores and stores of ingredients tocook amazing meals. (And cook vegetarianmeals for an entire summer for their guest!) And stores and stores of homemadejam for peanut butter and jelly toast. So, when we made our first trip as a family to visit David and Madeline,I was prepared to be impressed. And boywas I ever. The house is gorgeous andunique, there seemed to be an unlimited supply of cookbooks lining the kitchenand dining room shelves. I had heardabout the cooking, so this was expected. But was blessed by so much more. During our visits over the past 2 years, I have had different ages ofbaby/pregnancy/babies. This gorgeoushome was also the home of their 2 children, and they had treasured and savedthe things that were special to them from their baby and childhood years. So, this meant that the little baby reading chair came out for Josie to sit inwhen she was 7 months old along with all of the board books in storage. Later, when Josie was almost 2 and Asher 6months old, the doll house, the board books, the cat toys and whatever else wasof interest to my children were brought up to play with. And I could sit on the lovely couch lookingout at the flowers sipping tea. (Andboy, was there tea to have!) And what mostblessed me was the time that both Madeline and David spent with us in makingmeals and deep conversation (I don't think I mentioned, they are the busy. When you are both lawyers, that tends to bethe case).

Being super busy never deterred them. Each time we passed through, we were given a place to stay, cooked for,and had blessed fellowship. For me, Igleaned what I could from this woman who had a girl and a boy (like me) andthough she was trained to be a lawyer, chose to be a stay at home mom duringher children's childhood because being with them was most important. We heard about cross country vacations in thecar, and around the world trips where the family bought plane tickets to flyaround the world and every person in the family could choose a destination andresearch it so when this home school experiment was realized, the children infact were expert tour guides by the time they reached the far reaches of theworld.

Before I met Madeleine, and especially after, I wanted to be like her someday. Capable, extremely intelligent, hospitable, andorganized, with a love for God and for her family and whose life showed itselfby being a river of blessing to everyone she met. And she had been what I am, a mom to twolittle energy bundles that probably had the same ability to create catastrophein their wake, but as she talked about her children (now grown into youngadults) she only smiled the joy of the memories. For a jet lagged, haggard, overwhelmed mama(which I seemed to be every time I spent a day or two at her house) that's justwhat I needed to hear.

Our last visit we were coming home from China, and Madeleine both broughtus to the airport for our trip and picked us up again. We stayed with she and David a couple days oneach end to prepare for and recover from that big trip. Of course she took us to church and to Costcoand cooked amazing meals. Oh, and alsocooked meals for our friends that also happened to be in the area and we wantedto see and they both spent hours encouraging every person that darkened theirdoor wherever they happened to come from. (Now, that's what I call extraordinary hospitality!) It was Easter season and Madeleine also haddecided that her goal for Lent was to write a personal letter (by hand, a lostart) a day to different people because, well, that's just the kind of personshe is.

Our last trip through Seattle we decided to make the long trip home fromthe airport the night we flew in. Wefelt we needed to get home. The Spiritleads in ways we can't ever understand. We indeed needed to go home to Vancouver that night; that was the night Madeleinedied. She had had a brain anurism at thegym and died soon after. We didn't knowuntil this past Saturday. Dave had aclass last weekend taught by someone who knew them well and when Dave venturedto make a connection to this Seattle native by mentioning this family that hadbeen such a blessing to him the professor replied "oh yes, Madeleine, shewas such a wonderful woman, and her funeral was beautiful."

You can imagine the shock, disbelief, and grief that moment brought. Davewasn't prepared for that during his class break. I wasn't prepared for that when he told meupon returning home from class when he sat down on the couch that held thepiles of books I was busily rearranging on our bookshelf. We were even planning a trip through Seattlethis weekend and had been talking about whether we should go a day early andstay with Madeleine and David. Again,the Spirit moves in really amazing ways, because we would have just emailed askingto stay over and had never known.

In light of all this, I have been grieving Madeleine's death, and grievingnot only the loss of a person I really had only known for such a short time,but for her husband, children and those close to her. All those books and toys saved forgrandchildren she'll meet in eternity, the love poured out on so many people--and I had only barely understood the impact this woman had made. The fact that we didn't know she diedindicates that our lives don't intersect regularly, yet her hospitality andfriendship impacted us so much as we passed through a couple of times. Imagine the impact on people she's blessed for years!!

I'm taking a long time getting to my point about motherhood here as I'vebeen sharing about this wonderful mother, but I haven't stopped thinking abouther since Saturday evening. Her life waslived in the light of eternity. Shesmiled at the memories of toddlerhood and chose to be in the thick of it ratherthan in a courtroom, though by all means, she was entitled to that. Being a stay at home mom was more importantthan success and prestige. And followingthe daily grind of being a mother to young children, it seems that shecontinued to pour out her many talents to be an extraordinary mom. Not only that-- but in every way shecould. The family always sat down to ahome cooked meal-- and not just any meal, but an amazing meal. Every week she tried a recipe they'd neverhad before and if they liked it, it would be put into the rotation.

One more thing. We had aconversation about death and the grief it brings, especially the death of achild. And I clearly remember her sayingthat losing a child has to be the greatest and hardest loss a parent can have. Butshe was clear to make a point in the wake of grief: because life is so precious, you must embracethe life you have and embrace and love other children even more because yourealize so acutely just how fleeting it is. We simply don’t have time to remainin a self pity that takes from our task of loving in abundance. (*** I have not lost a child, but certainly have grieved that loss of loved ones who have. A great comfort and encouragement is the biblical pictures painted for children in heaven. This article has been wonderful comfort and hope thinking of children given real significance through their "work" in heaven!)

Today, I swept the floors for what I must have been 5 times before lunchand 2 times after, and calmed tantrums, changed diapers, picked up crayons,mopped up pee and whatever else was on the floor... Afterward, I was struckwith this thought-- love these kids, love your life, it is so fleeting so youmust do the things that matter. Idefinitely don't mean "spend a lot of money doing what you want becauseyou'll never know what tomorrow brings". What I mean is, do the things that bring real rivers of living water topeople you love.

Do I spend hours in the futile attempt at keeping my house clean and becomeso frustrated because like I said, it's a fail fail situation every time? No. Ineed to dig deep into the things that last. Dig into prayer. Dig intoworship. Dig into loving my children andsharing with them just how wonderful this life we've been given is. Practice overwhelming hospitality. Use my talents and resources to bless otherswhatever journey they are on and keep my eyes on Jesus. Seize moments and days as gifts to be livedwhile I can. Don’t hold onto bitternessor be unforgiving, that only takes away life, life that was meant for living!

I'm so thankful for the 5 days of my life I have spent with MadelineBrenner. In those 5 days I have learned something about how to be a stay at home mom without losing my mind, and as I reflect on thesurprise of her crossing over to be with Jesus—I am challenged to live thislife of motherhood in the light of eternity.

Being a Stay at home Mom without losing your mind tip #2

2012-01-19T17:38:00.002-06:00

Have you ever felt like your day had failed even before it began?
I felt this way at 8 am this morning, because 5:22 am came too early. Because the plan I had in place to get up before the kids and have 45 minutes of reading the Bible and praying before what I assumed would be their 7 am wake up was completely and totally thawarted. Because even though my plan for the day isn't really all that significant, I actually do have some expectations, and today those were that I would be rested and filled with my time with God and ready to meet the demands of a day with children. So when I groggily tried to wrestle the kids back to sleep 53 minutes before my alarm went off without any success, I gave in and and tried to have a quiet time, feed children some freshly made carrot muffins, (from a mix) and have the kitchen picked up before Dave came back from a run at 7:45 am. By the time he walked in the door both kids were screaming for muffins that weren't out of the oven, the kitchen was a disaster, I was still in pajamas and tripping over the explosion on my floor. I just had that overwhelming feeling that I had completely failed at having a peaceful, orderly day and I hadn't even begun it yet.

And though my tip today is a blog about planning, even more important I think is receiving grace in those moments when you feel like a total failure.

Dave met me where I was this morning with that grace, "Do you want to go in early for a swim today?" he asked as I was face down in my pillows on the bed. That was in the plan for later, but he adjusted his plans for my needs and but I received the grace of an early getaway with gusto. The walk to the pool, the exercise, and especially the jets in the hot tub were just what my body needed. And now that the kids are asleep and I can take in the words of Christ that say "come to me, all you who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest" and this reminder is just what my soul needed.

But tip #2 in not totally losing your mind as a stay at home mom I think is in how to plan with a purpose, though a daily plan might just have one goal for the day on it! And I am completely aware that every stage of one's single, married and motherhood life has so many different needs and boundaries and so must the purpose and daily duties.

I used to be a teacher and so I had lots of exprerience planning lessons. I think I had something like 22 different preps a week as an art teacher at one point. So I had unit plans and lesson plans and standards to meet and daily tasks. Later I planned wilderness experiences that required me to plan all of one's survival and daily travel, food, first aid, skills, experiences etc for 3 weeks at a time in places like the Mongolian wilderness or the Upper Pennisula. I learned how to plan and then even got a chance to teach people how to plan their own wilderness/cross cultural/mission/service trips like that. My biggest mantra was "make sure that your planned experiences meet your purpose!" How I drilled that into my co-workers as we planned trips across Asia for our students. The simplest way I can describe putting together a purposeful eduational experience goes something like this is "Pray-Plan-Prepare-Go-Do-Reflect". There's more to it, but there you have the bare bones.

2.5 years ago when I left that life and embarked on motherhood, a move across the world, a new identity entirely in a competely new place all my plans went out the window. I didn't even know what my purpose was. I really floundered for a long time, and was thrown for a huge loop when Asher decided he wanted to be conceived when Josie was 7 months old. All my plans were undermined, even the plans I didn't have. And when you are on shaky ground, almost alone, the slope into depression is steap and slippery.

But I think I've crawled up even just a little in the past 2 years and I have been encouraged to revisit what I did know to be a sure fire recipe for a really good transformational education experience. This time though, I'm both educator, participant, and debriefer a lesson plan of myself experiencing motherhood..

Here goes:

Pray. Most recently, Oswald Chambers has been encouraging and instructing me in prayer, most convictingly that it is through Christ's agony that we can pray and be as close to God as we are to His Spirit living within us. Ann Voscamp has been an encouraging pilgrim through her blog. I have yet to read her book but plan to soon. Yesterday my cousin wrote this practical blog about prayer which help bring into focus and into reality what prayer is all about. Prayer is our connection to God, and that connection is the source of our purpose, even if that purpose could be a 24 hour (or 24 year) "hang in there!"

Plan. Dave and I have an hour carved out each week to put our weekly plan together. That mostly means I know where he is during the week and when to expect him home along with our various commitments for the week. So I'm not wondering when he's coming home from the library or tutoring. So I know what mornings I can expect to have an hour to go for a run, or like today, a plan for a swim. If it's going to happen during the week, it's got to be on the calendar. But I need to go further, and these ideas have been something to think about. For me, I want my days to have purpose, to be moving myself and my family in a direction after that purpose. I really do like the format of these planning sheet because it gives a focus for the day, and it's not laundry. Thanks Ann.

Prepare. Here's where it get hard with 2 little kids. Preparing for shopping or church or a trip to the library or dinner or whatever. I am forgetful, unorganized, and not that good at this. I have to give myself an hour to get to something that would normally take 10 minutes door to door with 2 kids. So, the more I prepare physically, mentally, and spiritually for the tasks of the day, the better I am. And I'll put that early hour of time with God into the prepare section as well. That is, when it happens!

Go. Do it Mama! Wake up. Go get em. Warrior On!

Do. Do the dishes even when they are piled high with yesterday's stuck on oatmeal. Get the kids in the stroller and haul the laundry on top of them to and from the laundry room. Pick up the toys for the gazillionth time. Get dinner made early if you can. Make those Sunday school lessons. Get the flour for the play dough making activity and teach those 31 kids how to make their own salt dough even if they come in 3 at a time over a span of an hour, keep teaching! Do what needs to be done.

Reflect. This. This writing for me is my reflection. It's where I'm taking all those little parts of my day, and placing them against the scripture that I've read, the words of wisdom that I've heard, and the Spirit's prompting in my heart and trying to make sense of it. For me, writing it down is an essential part of making any kind of connection of me in body, me in mind, me in spirit and the me that is mommy. And I think that the more I dig deeper into the pray and the plan, I'm able to prepare more thoroughly, I'm able to dig deeper into the going and doing and be more fully present there. The reflecting has been a place to put the pieces of so many fragmented parts of my life into some kind of whole. To bring meaning out of scrubbing floors on my knees and washing out poopy diapers in a leaky toilet.

And before I forget, there's always GRACE. When the "Go, and Do" aren't exactly on schedule. I'm living in it right now. 6 hours ago I genuinely believed that my day was a failure and it hadn't even begun. But God's given me this hour, this unexpected quiet time to still my heart and thoughts and to invite his Sprit to speak in my heart. Probably the best way to receive those moments of grace is with our face lifted to the sky, in gratitude, receiving holiness raining down, aware, of who is going before us and hemming us in behind.

"Such knowledge is to lofty for me, I cannot attain unto it. Where can I go from your presence, where can I hide from your Spirit?"

Oh, and by the way, you haven't failed this day, because, let's face it, this day, your life, and what is to come was never yours to begin with. :)

Tamuske! *

*Tamuske is the Mongolian term for "press on!" We used it several times in our mountain climbing experiences.

Being a stay at home mom without losing your mind, tip #1.

2012-01-17T11:22:00.000-06:00

I haven't had one minute alone for 11 hours straight. And if you count sleeping with someone beside you before that, add another 6 hours. I did have an hour alone last night and had fun writing something a little bit useful. And so I've been eager to write more today, and have been looking for the opportunity. I even have a title: "How to be a stay at home mom with out losing your mind" After changing 3 cloth explosive diapers in a 20 min. span and 2 accidents with my one in potty training simultaneously, and endlessly picking up food off the floor that keeps sticking to my socks I wondered if I could speak to my topic.

For an introvert like me, (yes, I am an introvert, believe it or not), my energy stores have been sucked dry. Asher has the croup and Josie is feeling particularly creative today. So I guess if I have anything of value to say about not losing my mind today, it would be from this place that I say it.

Lesson one in not losing your mind: Put yourself in God's shoes-- you'll see what I mean in a moment.

Wonder what it means when God calls himself FATHER. In those hours that stretch on with wars of the will or incessant crying ask yourself what could I possibly learn about God and his choice to call us his children.

The other day we were getting ready to go to the library and it was freezing outside. I was in the middle of changing one diaper and asking the other child to please put on her sock. "But why?" she asked 48 times over.

My answers didn't seem to satisfy- "Because I told you so" doesn't work. "Because it's cold outside and you need to put socks on so that your feet won't freeze in your shoes" is a little more acceptable to my inquisitive 2 year old.

"Ok mom, over here?"she points to a spot on the floor where she thinks would be a good place to put those socks on.

"Yes" I reply. In the meantime, I'm wrestling child #2 with his diaper, pants, socks, coat and shoes. We go out to get in the stroller and child number one follows, barefoot.

"I TOLD YOU TO PUT YOUR SOCKS ON!" I'm close to screaming at this point, because the 47th "why" is ringing in my ears. "But why?" she replies. (And here we are standing outside in freezing temps, with snow.)

And here's the vital moment. Right here, right in the place where I might just lose my mind-- standing in my own socks outside the door on cold concrete with a squirming one year old that I'm struggling to put in the stroller and a two year old insisting that she doesn't want to put her socks on in any place I ask myself "what can I possibly learn here... and what is the real reason I want her to put her socks on?"

"But WHY?" that's number 49.

"Because I love you! Don't you know that it's cold out and you're hardly dressed. Your feet will freeze in the 40 min it takes to walk to the library if you insist on being barefoot and you'll be terribly uncomfortable. I love you and I care about you and your well being. It is for your own good that you put your socks on! "

And there's the moment. The moment when I learn more about God and obedience than I've learned in the thousand other moments where I've heard about obedience being good for me. Here I am, the parent, just asking for my child to say "ok mom" and then asking her to follow my simple instructions so that we can move from point A to point B with the least amount of pain and injury. I'm asking her to listen, acknowledge and finally, simply do what I asked.

How many times do I hear the voice of God asking me gently to do something and I squirm becuase it's not really what I want to do at the moment, and then ask "but why?" And when he's got my attention and I say "ok, I'll do that" and conveniently forget about it or postpone it there's got to be a moment of God really getting my attention, or of me postponing my obedience and being very uncomfortable. When I'm walking around the snow barefoot and eventually frostbitten and crippled it's way less pleasant than the other possibility of being snug in my socks and boots prepared for the journey and moving in the direction that God had for me all along.

"I want your obedience, not your sacrifice" A voice whispers.

And I've learned something about God and my walk with him. God knows where we're going and how to get there. He doesn't want me to stumble around because I'm not listening to and obeying his voice. He's got warm socks and boots for my frozen feet, if I would just put them on. But because I also am a stubborn child, I might just get frostbite and be crippled for the long walk and have a lot healing to do. But I bet he'd be there right with me for that journey too. And like God has explained to me again and again through scripture the he loves me and wants my obedience for my own good, I turn to my daughter and explain, "Josie, do you think that it would be cold on your feet if you didn't have socks and shoes on outside while we walk to library?" She sits down on the door threshhold, silent, putting her sock and boots on (the wrong feet, as always) and hops into the stroller.

And I didn't lose my mind, that time.

$3 pot of soup and other money saving tips for living on a tight budget Vancouver

2012-01-16T01:23:00.001-06:00

Have you ever had Trader Joe's Roasted Red Pepper soup? It's really really good. And for around $2.50 a box for about 4 servings, not a bad lunch option. But oops. No Trader Joe's in Vancouver.

What to do?

See these peppers? $1.00 a bag at Young Brother's Produce Market. There are bags of "must use now or they will rot" produce in boxes on the floor that I try to find and buy a couple of each week. This week was a bag of red peppers and a bag of tomatoes.

Then googled a recipe and found this one to see if I could come close. By increasing the amounts and using a can of coconut milk when I blended it, I think my very full crockpot of soup probably has 10 or so servings for probably close to $3. (Maybe a tinge more with the coconut milk) We toasted some of our free Cob's bread with cheese on top and there you have a delicious Sunday night meal.

It's taken these past 2 years of discovery to figure out how to live in Vancouver on a budget. According to Wikipedia, Vancouver is #3 on the world's most liveable city list. Or, according to this opinion, #29, but here, #1 in the World. Awesome to think I live in the most liveable place in the world. Most liveable, that is, if my household income was average $80,544 or lived in an "average"house that costs close to $900,000. Therein lies the rub between the average Vancouverite and me (and I'd propose most students living on a very tight budget!)

Awesome place to live in terms of beauty, things available, convenience, health care... yes... Awesome. In terms of keeping a tight budget, well, that's where the learning curve that I'm working on comes in. As part of my job of a community assistant here in Acadia Park, I've been toying with ideas that build community AND combine efforts to save money and resources. And since I live on campus with students who are all studying something brilliant in how to make this world a better place, I'm sure that my own ideas can only touch the tip of the iceberg, but here's what I've learned and am learning.

Give away what you don't need and graciously accept what others give you. My daughter was fully clothed from the moment she arrived until now from gifts from grandmothers and hand-me-downs from friends. Another friend gave me 0-2 years clothes for Asher and I think perhaps his only new clothes have come from grandparents and baby gifts! I've never purchased an outfit for him! In turn, because of limited storage, I generally give away or give out on loan their clothes so someone else can use them.
Share meals as often as you can. It's more fun and you eat a lot better with others! The more food you give away, the more you get in return. It just seems to be the way it is!
Plan before you shop. If I have a week's worth of meals planned with ingredients I need, I'm much more likely to to buy only those things, and not others that I don't need.
Shop at produce stands and glean what you can from the dollar bags. I moved here with a 7 month old and made all her baby food from ripe produce stand foods. She ate way more vegetables as a baby than now! Same with my secondborn. Now we can buys bags of fresh fruit and veggies and glean what we can from the dollar bags for soups and stews. Our top stores for buying groceries are No Frills, Young Brothers, and T&T for our Asian cravings.
Become a vegetarian. I was not born one, but I married one and thankfully have cut down on my groceries SIGNIFICANTLY using beans, tofu, eggs, cheese, fish, tempeh, quinoa and other things lower on the food chain as my main protein sources. Overall, better for the environment and better for your budget. Here are some of our favorite soup recipes you can count on for cheap eats in large quantities.
Participate in research studies. I've participated in 3 scientific research studies so far. 1 for myself and the effects of exercise on post partum bodies which got me a free boot camp class and 2 for my son which has produced various grocery cards. Every little bit helps!
If you must buy something big, shop on craigslist or check out local bulletin boards for sales. UBC is such a transient community that people are always moving and selling things. I'm currently sitting on a 1 year old Ikea couch we got for 1/4 of its price from student leaving the country and needing to unload it. Every other major item we have is secondhand (all 4 of our strollers, 2 bikes, table, bed, kitchen stuff--everything!)
Make friends and share resources. This is probably the most important thing I've learned. We eat dinner with 4 families that are part of a small group from our church weekly. Someone cooks dinner (a pot of soup) each week. That's a whole meal that is covered for us and it's much better to be in community for meals and life together.
Brew coffee at home. How much money can you save if you don't go to a coffee shop every time you have a craving? I keep this in mind every time I pass the gazillion tempting coffee shops in my neighborhood. This goes for making your meals at home. I just gasped as we tallied up how much it has cost us to go out for that quick and convenient sushi meal 'every once in a while'. If you need something quick, have a backup supply in the freezer of meals you've made in advance.
Bike when you can-- gas is ridiculously expensive. Or take the bus. Or even better, walk. It's Vancouver-- you might even see snow capped mountains!
So, what do I do for fun with kids and family? Go to the library. Go to the Old Barn with friends on a rainy day (resist the coffee purchase if you can!) Go to the Acadia Park Commonsblock activities which happen several times a week. Find friends and walk or run with a good jogging stroller in the park. Walk to the beach and back up the hill for a great butt workout. Go to each other's houses and avoid the huge mess staying home in your's will make:) Other suggestions a little further from home-- go to the airport and watch planes take off (really, a friend's son loves this!), go to Ikea and let the kids play in the kids area there. Here's a resource created by parents at UBC with lots of other links and ideas- a must see for families at UBC.
Get a garden plot. Hours of endless dirt eating fun (for toddlers) and you might even harvest something. Today I made kale chips from a neighbour's garden that has given me permission to eat to my fill. Gotta love gardening in Vancouver.
Groupon. Need I say more? That's how we go out to eat or do anything in this city!
Barter and Trade. I got almost all my Christmas gifts by bartering at a craft fair I was selling at. Swap babysitting nights with other friends. Join the babysitting co-op on campus.
Cut down on disposable paper products. Depending on how much of this you are willing to do... use cloth diapers and wipes instead of disposable when practical, use cloth napkins, get rid of paper towels and use rags, and for the very brave, you can use cloth alternatives for toilet paper and feminine products. Get old fashioned and use a handkerchief instead of tissues.

Ok, so that is some of what I've learned of how to live on a budget in Vancouver with a family. But I'm still a novice and would love your tips and tricks! Hey, this could become a book! Please share your tips and tricks for living on a budget in Vancouver.

Those moments

2012-01-12T18:13:00.003-06:00

Because this blog post has been circulating the world at an alarming rate with lots of talk among moms, and because my brain is a little too fried to write like that, I post yet another video.

Here's one of those Kairos, or maybe just silly, moments in our lives.

Pans and Poons

2012-01-10T17:43:00.002-06:00

I am just now looking at some of our Christmas videos-- this one is a little gem worth sharing. You never know what will be the most exciting thing on Christmas morning, in this case.... pans and poons!

Christmases long long ago

2011-12-29T18:39:00.000-06:00

From Christmas in Croton through the years

This year, my cousins and I each wrote something we remembered from the many Christmases we celebrated together at my grandparents' house in Croton on Hudson NY when we were children. It was a big project, but such a worth while one! We made book of these memories with photo contributions from our parents. Since this book is due to arrive today I will venture out and share it online along with my own personal memories and select photos. Enjoy! I would suggest making the book pop out with the bottom right button with arrows to see it best.

Christmas in Croton: Our Memories | Make Your Own Book

From Christmas in Croton through the years

Our Velcro Advent calendar counted down thedays not only to Christmas, but to the time of year when we would make ourpilgrimage to Gram and Grandpa’s house in Croton on Hudson New York. We would load up or station wagon, suburbanor other large family vehicle with our traveling activities, our Amy Grant Christmas album, and our luggage with all the “hidden” gifts packedtightly inside. We would pull out of thelong gravel driveway that led to our log home in the northern NY boonies andmake the six or seven or eight or nine hour drive to Gram and Grandpa’shouse. To a five/six/seven year old,that drive is an eternity! We wereheaded to the hometown of my mother to celebrate Christmas with her extendedfamily, but for me it was more than that, as a young child Gram’s was a magical place full of cousins, lights,large Christmas trees, velvet dresses, gingerbread houses, opera music, NYC,and more family and friends who might as well have been family than I couldcount. Christmas in Croton wasenchanted. Here I was connected to anenormous (in my mind) clan of people who loved to celebrate the birth of Christin style and knew how to make it an unforgettable experience.

Because I can’t really separate the yearsin my mind, I don’t know if what I remember is a single memory, or maybe avariety of 5 years of memories, but nevertheless, the memories from even 25years ago are vivid in my mind.

After we survived our eternity car trip andarrived at Gram’s house, it always took a few minutes for my brothers and I toget re-acquainted with my cousins. Forme as an oldest girl with only younger brothers, having cousins that were girlsand cousins who were older than me was always very exciting. I don’t know if in the early years Jeremy andKristen were as excited to see me as I was to see them, but with theencouragement of their parents, and their own experience with younger siblings,I was tolerated as a playmate. However,once re-acquainted, it never took long for us to remember how to play. It helped that we all slept on foammattresses and pull out couches in the basement together, for when the entirefloor was covered with padding, pillow fights and wrestling matches quicklybroke the shy barriers. Jeremy, beingthe oldest, always had the advantage and the rest of us found ourselves beingflung across the room at regular intervals. No one seemed to mind until someone started crying, but we inevitablyalways came back for more.

Putting all the cousins (of a reasonableage) together for a slumber party was someone’s brilliant idea to keep usentertained for hours. I remember nightafter night listening to Jeremy tell story upon stories that he had somehowmemorized. I learned more about TomSawyer on the raft and painting picket fences from my eldest cousin than Iremember from reading the books myself. No amount of parents threatening us to be quiet and go to sleep reallyworked, and so most nights we were up giggling and listening to each other telljokes and stories from our memory. Itwas doubly hard to sleep, also because we were shivering with excitement as towhat would happen the following day. Andfor good reason, because there was never a dull moment at the Croton house!

From Christmas in Croton through the years

I don’t know how many actual shows we sawin New York City at Met or the Radio City Music Hall, but the buildup of goingto shows like Hansel and Gretel and the Opera and RCMH have cemented in my mindthat Christmas always included a trip for all our families to go into the cityfor a special performance. Of course, weall wore our new Christmas dresses (and I remember Velvet, especially) whichwere purchased for this special occasion. For a child who had lived her entire life on the hundred acre wood in alog home, the drive or train ride into the city was an amazing experience oflights and hustle and bustle and people and music. Not much can compare to the Christmas seasonin the Big Apple.

Not only did I experience the glamour ofthe Opera in the city, but we found treasuresin Gram and Grandpa’s attic. Whensomeone would decide it was time to pull the white rope that brought down theladder that set upon the wooden board across the basement stairs, we allflocked. On the other side of the climbup was a place of mystery and treasure all our own. Was there a woman’s bodice with a bear headand antique dresses? I do remember racksof old clothes, dresses and hats delightful for dress up. There were scrapbooks of newspaper clippingsand boxes of letters Grandpa had written to his mother during his time inWW2.

There were treasure trunks with lacedoilies and other paraphernalia, and each year someone would find somethingunique that had a story behind it that we all wanted to hear. And some older person would tell us whatthese family heirlooms meant once upon a time. To me, the attic was my entranceinto Narnia. Those old coats and clothes racks might havewell been the old wardrobe as far as I was concerned. Maybe I came with the expectation that justmaybe I would be sent into the realms of another world by exploring the dustycorners of Gram’s attic.

I think that my cultured suburban familytook seriously the responsibility to train their country bumpkin kin in tablemanners. So, each evening as we gatheredto eat at the long wooden table, each child was given a jar of pennies whichthey would be allowed to keep if their manners remained “acceptable” throughoutthe evening. For some reason I wasconsistently penniless at the end of every meal. I’m sure we had dozens of different meals atthis table that sat on so-and-so’s antique oriental run that had a puttinggreen sitting on the floor at the end of the table, but for some reason, I onlyremember eating spaghetti or lasagna, and Grandpa was the one to serveeveryone, and he always said a prayer that went something like

“Lordbless this food to our bodies and our bodies to thy service amen”

I remember this so vividly because thespoken and sung prayers were always said and sung with gusto. Music during the holidays is a very integralpart of my memories. We always sand thedoxology. In a family unafraid to singout loud (led by Grandpa and Marianne), and willing and able to sing in atleast 5 part harmony even as children, the experience of singing grace togethercontinues to live in my memory and present existence. Though not a Christmas memory, the last timewe sang the doxology together as a family with Grandpa was shortly after hemade the journey from earth to eternity. It was the day after mother’s day and once again our family had gatheredfrom across the country and globe to circle around together holding hands, andsinging “Praise God from whom all Blessings flow”. That special moment of celebrating mygrandfather’s life as we was meeting his maker was and is a culmination of themany years we had together singing praises with no inhibition.

From Christmas in Croton through the years

Music always seemed to be in the backgroundor forefront of the Christmas season. With a grand piano in the living room and many accomplished and buddingmusicians in our midst, there was always music on the speakers or performed oninstruments or voices. Fitting that there would always be music inthe background of my memories.

From Christmas in Croton through the years

Finally, Christmas Day. How was it possible to sleep on Christmas Evewhen the visitation of Santa was a surething? I remember lying awake shakingwith excitement even after I could hear the sound of deep sleeping in thebreathing of my brothers and cousins beside me. I strained to hear any sounds of Santa upstairs. At this point in my life, I was sure that hewould come. I also remember the basementdoor opening regularly before we were asleep and Carol’s voice threatening usif we even thought about getting out of bed. I also remember my attempt at catching a glimpse of Santa—it was earlymorning before light and I had crept upstairs when I believed everyone else wassleeping to “use the bathroom” and made sure that I wandered through the livingroom to gaze at the lit tree with piles of presents beneath it and all of ourstockings that hung on the fireplace bursting with treats. I also remember a large pile of toothbrusheson the table with the gingerbread house by the piano. I was taking my time going to the bathroomthe circuitous route and thinking I was alone, paused to take it all in. But in a flash there was Grandpa catching meat my game and ushering me back downstairs to use the bathroom there and goback to bed. I felt triumphant in mymission though, because thought I hadn’t seen Santa, evidences of hisappearance were everywhere.

From Christmas in Croton through the years

On Christmas morning after the explosion ofgift unwrapping and the oohs and ahhs had subsided, we settled in to play withour presents and welcome even more guests. Both a memory and a present experience is that Gram always made surethat we had very special gifts each Christmas- whether dolls or jewelry orplates or silver, whatever we got from Gram and Grandpa, I bet we still allpossess these special gifts! And I waitwith anticipation to re-gift them to my own children someday!

From Christmas in Croton through the years

We had more visitors during our Christmasholidays than I could count, and with them, a fruitcake which was always verycolorful and which I never wanted to eat. Our family friends seemed the same as family to me and the Kerr clan andother great aunts and uncles were always in our midst. Uncle Shel always brought some interestinginvention or handmade gift for us which we could always anticipate.

From Christmas in Croton through the years

Sometime in the week between Christmas andNew Years we gathered with other extended family on the farm or in Croton. I’m sure we all awaited these parties notonly to see our second cousins and all the first or second once removed clan,but especially for the cookies—Aunt Alice’s meringues in particular Now that I think about it, I bet we all tooknote of the house and where the hard Christmas candies were and the meringueswere and made a beeline for those confections as nonchalantly as possible, butas quickly as possible so that we would satiate our cravings. It’s a good thing these were in abundance,and that the family recipe has made its rounds, because the craving hasn’tsubsided one bit! (Excuse me, I have togo make a batch and eat them now!)

It’s fun to recall at these things at 32years old, memories from 25 years ago! When I think of Christmas at Gram and Grandpa’s I have a deep impressionof love and celebration and because the joy of family was so great, there is asense of holiness and joy about it all. Those early memories have cemented in me an understanding that theimportance of Christmas is in special moments and celebrating familyrelationships. Those memories havehelped me through so many Christmases I have spent around the world far fromfriends and family, because during this time, friends and even strangers havebecome family. In places void of ahistory of Christ, like the tundra of Mongolia or the jungles of Thailand,Vietnam, and the cold dusty streets of northern China I truly could celebrateChrist’s birth with a sense of joy and expectation that something wonderful washappening. And I am aware that now, asmy own children will be gathering memories of Christmas, that it is soimportant to make an effort to indeed celebrate and love with greatexpectation.

From Christmas 2011

Christmastime

2011-12-29T18:30:00.000-06:00

This Christmas, we were blessed that my parents could celebrate with us in a special way. Christmas is meant to be spent with family! (And I have definitely spent many many Christmases apart from family!) What a gift that we could be with a part of our family this Christmas! The kids were ecstatic to have the attention of Grammy and Papa most of the day, and mom and dad welcomed the break! We had a 2 day excursion to LaConnor WA for a night at an Inn, and drove around an Island and the surrounding area. We went to the Aquarium, skating downtown and spent lots of quality time together making special things. (I even taught my dad how to make earrings for my mom this Christmas) It was honestly a special time to be together.

Fifty

2011-12-15T17:08:00.003-06:00

That's right. Five. Zero. That is the number of children that showed up yesterday for my Christmas cooking club. We made "gingerbread houses" out of graham crackers. I had a scheme in mind of how to make these quickly and easily, but that scheme didn't quite fit into the Canadian Graham Cracker options. Who knew in Canada you can only buy unattached single crackers.

So, my lovely assistant Faith and I prepared for 32 kids max. We've had 25 on a big day (like making applesauce or carving pumpkins) so I left room for margin. I have no idea why today was so popular but while I was equipping one group of kids in the icing and cracker construction, another group came in. And then another and another and another. And one of me. Good thing I told parents they really couldn't come and just drop off kids today. So we did have some helpers.

my lovely rendition of a house:)

How many can you count?

Looks like they are having fun!

And I do think that every kid went home with some kind of gingerbread house. At the least, some crackers with icing and candy. No one was disappointed I'm sure!

Handmade home

2011-12-09T00:00:00.001-06:00

This is the first year in quite some time that I've been at home in the same place for Christmas and not in the middle of a big transition. It's been fun to be settled (for a very short time) and to create a little handmade Christmas for our family. Yesterday I had a little craft event for the community kids so I was scouring pinterest for ideas and got a few that our family benefited from as well. Since we have lost our collection of Christmas things, a time to make new ones has been especially welcome as our little tree was in dire need of ornamentation!

I was inspired by this website for this star.

And for this heart-here

I've mentioned this Jesse Tree/ Advent Calendar multiple times and look-- it's almost done!

I'm going to miss this little place where all these things happen. Our one room dining/living room that lunch and craft happen together at the same table!

See what I mean?

And the play room/living room/studyroom. Do you like our new couch? Thanks Mom and Dad! We are getting lots of use out of it. If you notice, our little Christmas tree has a pile of yarn beneath it-- because that's where I sit and knit or crochet when I have the chance. I'm must say that I'm proud of that tree, it's the exact same one we had last year (except it's not in this post, unfortunately) Dave bought this tree on Christmas Eve for $10 and we've kept it alive on our patio for a year.

We certainly don't mind its lopsided nature, it gives it charm. We all love it. (And some of us love to take the latest handmade ornaments off of it!)

Well, I'm enjoying the handmade part of making the Christmas season a special time in our home.

But, I've also had a lot of time to reflect on Christmas and what its all about. This year my heart aches for loved ones who have suffered loss in their lives. I know of close friends who have recently lost loved ones, mothers who grieve the loss of unborn children, people all around me who have lost something or someone dear. It must be because our hearts long for the special, magical and wonderful that when the reality of the hard parts of our lives rub up against our expectations, we feel the difference. It makes our hearts ache.

I really have no idea how people who don't have the reality of Christ as the center of celebration Christmas can possibly cope with the season. Gifts and good cheer just couldn't take away that longing for something special to happen, something wonderful, something to bring wholeness and healing into our lives. Way before all the wonderful traditions have infiltrated our lives, heaven and earth collided. Heaven came down and God became one of us on the earth he created. This wasn't about fuzzy feel good stuff. This glorious appearing was about coming into the reality of all our lives and *gasp* saving us from ourselves and the huge mess we are all in. Whoa. Christmas isn't about tinsel, it's about Jesus. Good thing. That's where the real hope is. It's not about our expectations, it's about God's glory.

We lost our Christmas decorations, many of you have lost something so much more important this Christmas season. But you know what? God knows, God loves, and God saves (and he even finds lost things). And this Christmas, I hope to be reminded and filled with the real hope that I will be with Jesus someday. That all the hard things of this life and all my unmet expectations will be swallowed up by His Glory.

How about you?

St. Nicholas' early arrival

2011-12-06T11:58:00.001-06:00

in the form of Nai Nai! (See any grandmother-granddaughter resemblances here?)

St. Nick arrived a couple days early this year in the form of Dave's mom, "Nai Nai". This past weekend has found our children happily playing with lots of new toys and with one of their favorite people. Josie and her grandmother have been cooking up a Christmas storm, and we've had gingerbread goodies and chocolate covered pretzels and all kinds of yummy things to eat. Thanks for coming Nai Nai!

Best Job Ever

2011-12-05T15:13:00.001-06:00

A friend took this picture last month during on of my routine Hikes I lead for my activities coordinator job.

Beautiful huh?
Thanks Grace!

Artisan fair, an ode to Grandmothers

2011-12-01T23:08:00.001-06:00

It's been a busy week... getting ready for this Artisan Fair at Regent College, preparing for all the little things happening here in my "day job" and the mommy part. But I got to sit today from 9am-5pm and knit. And talk. And drink coffee. And barter my goods for other people's lovely handmade things. All in all, a fun and worth while day.

I sold a lot of hats, and a few pairs of earrings. These headbands were pretty popular and I'm still working on making some more now! In a moment of inspiration last night around midnight I printed off these little cards to be both a price tag and sort of business card with my contact info. Who knew they would be so useful? I have 6 orders to get done next week already! That is pretty exciting for me! My other moment of inspiration was cutting bangs. I'm not sure that was such a good idea though.

Anyway, it was a fun day and I'm glad I had a chance for a creative outlet. I should call this my "grandmothers' table"
One side is a trade I learned from one grandmother, and the other side a trade I learned from the other.

Grandmothers are wonderful, aren't they? Thanks Gigi and Gram for the time spent giving me something beautiful to do!

in the present

2011-11-29T23:36:00.001-06:00

Had a good reminder from my cousin today of Christmas and its full meaning. The hope of Christ in the midst of all that life brings; joy and sadness, brokenness and redemption, pain and healing. I am no stranger to the juxtaposition of these opposites during Christmas. I can remember how God has worked in real ways in my life during this time of awaiting his birth and I'm looking for that hope again this year. It's reminders like these that keep us focused on Christ this season.

And then I am a mom of 2 toddlers.
And then there's monkeys like these that keep you chuckling and bring you right to the present.
Here we have Dave egging Asher on:

And the kids reaction to the Christmas lights:

And well, a little Christmas dancing thrown in there:

We have the present, we have our life, we have the reality of Christ here and now and we have joy. What more can we ask for?

What a week-- Happy Thanksgiving!

2011-11-27T00:27:00.001-06:00

and it isn't over yet. Five delicious dinners with friends this week! We just finished up a community potluck this evening. Can't go wrong with 5 neighbors and 6 different countries and cultures represented (and foods!)
We had a wonderful Thanksgiving as well with friends coming up from Seattle and neighbors. Before that, a hot pot meal with our Alpha group, and small group dinner. Lets just say we won't be needing to eat for some time!
Between all the cooking and fellowship time, I had the treat of being a guest at a 5 year old's birthday party to lead a jewelry making activity.

I think everyone enjoyed their time!

Have you seen this?

2011-11-21T11:49:00.001-06:00

We've lost it. Our beloved Nativity set. Somewhere in the move between New York and Vancouver it's gone missing. We've been searching for a couple years, but no luck. Along with the Christmas ornaments we've gathered in China through the years. We'll made do of course, and it's just a "thing", but a thing we loved. I guess it's time to get carving and make one of our own!?

*** I'm currently searching for a child friendly nativity set for our Sunday school classroom, and not coming up with too many options. Let me know if you have any!

Evening entertainment

2011-11-21T09:56:00.001-06:00

Ever wondered what the bedtime hour is like at our house?

** no need to put yourself through watching these if you don't want to hear baby squeals and silly dancing!

A little help here and there

2011-11-20T17:49:00.001-06:00

Love this Photo.

Smiling, cute and almost on time. Our friend Joanne took it last week as she was helping me get to a friend's house for a babysitting afternoon.

That's why I look forward to having friends like Joanne come over and help out in the Coons house every once in a while. And cook for us, and love on our kids. She and her sister are very good at that!

She taught Sunday school today, she babysat last Wednesday, and even made supplies for class. And excepted a hand made headband as payment.

but if I do say so myself, it's a pretty cool headband. And I'm knitting like crazy to get ready for this Regent Artisan Fair coming up in 9 or so days! Maybe Joanne can come over again sometime soon? What do you think?

Morning snow

2011-11-19T01:29:00.002-06:00

When it snows here, you never know how fast the rain will start. We made it outside in time to enjoy the first snow this morning bright and early! These pictures were taken shortly after 8 am.

I got a book out of the library about a first snow so Josie understood what was going on. "It's winter in the trees" she said

Asher on the other hand....

a totally new experience all together!

This is definitely a genetic quality-- but is it an ability or disorder?

2011-11-15T17:40:00.003-06:00

I seem to have acquired the gene from both sides of my family to start many projects simultaneously and keep working on them all. Have you seen my Dad's garage? My grandmother's workshop? My mom's kitchen? You'd understand. To be honest though, a lot of wonderful things have come from all those places, even if by chance things get a little chaotic. And it seems like we're making do with this space at the moment.

(My dinner table)

My living room/dining room/play room/work room has exploded, even with the recent organizational strategies. An Artisan fair is coming up, Sunday school lesson creation is in full swing, Advent is fast approaching, Christmas cards being made, arts and crafts activities being thought up for my job.... not to mention dinner, cleanup and a desire for a peaceful place of reading and study.

My own rendition of the Ark and Tablernacle for our lesson this past Sunday. Note to self, modeling clay will not withstand 2 and 3 year olds playing with it.

Time to find some better building materials for Tabernacle artifacts! But, they did have fun playing with it!

The Jesus Storybook Bible Advent Calendar is getting to the final stages. Looking forward to beginning this tradition in a couple weeks!!

Josie helped me create a Christmas card this year. I realized that we haven't sent out cards or family photos for Christmas as a family .... ever. The last photo I've sent people was an engagement photo. Let me know if you want one! (And send me your address!)

And jewelry and the "Mommy and Me" and "Daddy and Me" hats for the upcoming Regent Artisan Fair. Let me know if you want any. I'll especially be taking orders after December 1st! (Or, at least, I'll get to making them!)

Well, I'm still working out whether this is an ability or disorder, but it sure is fun. Here's to crafting!

Yet another plug for the Chariot

2011-11-14T10:17:00.003-06:00

Here we are in a hailstorm. 20 minutes previous I had stepped out of the house to meet a friend for a run. It was overcast, but not bad. We got to the trail head and it started to downpour and thunder. As we got further into the forest the gargantuan trees around us began not only to sway, but cracks and thuds of branches were heard coming down around us. Talk about an adrenaline rush and sprint to open skies!!! This picture was taken just as we got to the road and heavy hail came down on us.

The kids however, were not phased. Just another day in the park. Have I mentioned just how much we love our Chariot?

The hickey sweater and other real life stories

2011-11-07T18:02:00.003-06:00

Dave has always been a thoughtful giver of gifts, especially during the early part of our dating. Right after we got engaged he went to Shanghai with his mom and brother who were visiting China. He came back with a special coat that was from an upscale shop which was unique and beautiful. Size medium. I can generally get away with a medium in the states, but never ever does that work for me in China. I remember trying it on, again, totally embarrassed because it didn't look good on me, my arms barely fit into the sleeves and I couldn't really button it without looking like I was going to totally bust out of the coat. In China, it's not uncommon for me to wear a XXXL. But, this coat was given to me by someone I loved, who I was going to marry, but really had only been dating for 4 months at the time and only really known for 6 months. To highlight the fact that these clothes were totally unflattering, seemed ungrateful and again, embarrassing. The truth is I rarely ever go shopping with people in general because it's a difficult thing for me to find clothes that fit well and look good, and I'd rather spare others the pain of the try-on process. I tend to avoid shopping until necessary.

This sweater is one of the more unflattering pieces of clothing I own. But I keep it, more for the sake of the memory and its meaning. It's my hickey sweater.

That's right, hickey. When Dave and I were dating, we might have even just gotten engaged, he gave me a big hickey on my neck, it might have even been two. I was so embarrassed, for at the time I was a high school teacher, under scrutiny of every student and fellow teachers every day. I tried to keep it a secret, even from my roommate Jenn, though walking around our apartment from the bathroom to my bedrooom in a towel didn't help that secret keep too well.

Because of this unsightly black and blue spot on my neck, I planned my wardrobe accordingly, and wore scarves or turtlenecks every day. That can only go on for so long though, especially in the sweltering heat of the school at the time. My after school kickboxing class gave me away, my partner noticed these marks right away and called me on it "Katie, is that a hickey??" TOTALLY embarrassing. When I told Dave, I think he was pretty sheepish, and went about finding a peace offering, and thus bought me this sweater. He worked hard to find the right size, an XL, and what looked like colors I would like.

I took out the hickey sweater last night and put it on. Same balloon effect. Maybe even more now. I think it has something to do with the yellow horizontal stripes across the hip and bust areas. Last night I told Dave (I think for the first time) that this sweater was totally not working for me.

He never even noticed. And apparently, doesn't even care.

I wish the same were true for me. But I might just ammend the sweater. My tailoring ideas include removing the turtleneck part. It would not longer be a hickey sweater. But I guess I don't need one of those now, do I?

That is the beauty of real life love. It's celebrating funny real life moments, together with the good, the bad, the embarrassing, the relaxing.

Last night I sat in the living room to knit and watch the kids play. And guess what? They played-- together. That is a new phenomonen that is beginning to happen in our home.

The "real life" and normal experience is that there are generally tears and fighting over toys, but last night, well, it was different (for a little while). I could relax in the same room with my kids, knit, read books, play, dance, talk. Real life moments celebrated. Not trying to be anything other than who we are.

Even a little goofy at times.

And this too, a celebration of the real, and good, in life.

Lamentations of the Father

2011-11-07T12:13:00.004-06:00

This past Sunday in our Young Children and Worship class we told the story of, and wondered about Moses going up Mt. Sinai and receiving the "Ten best ways to live"

The kids loved that we had a real piece of the desert in our room, and that they could play and interact with it-- as most 2 year olds do. Getting the message across that it was very important to love God and love people because God loves us, well, I think at least they understood the words. I have loved doing this curriculum and am in fact going to work on it right now as the kids are both sleeping. But because this little sarcastic article always leaves me laughing, I thought I would share it. I'm even tempted to add it to our Sunday curriculum! It's a bit of a take on the laws of Moses. Enjoy.

Laws Concerning Food and Drink; Household Principles; Lamentations of the Father

By IAN FRAZIER

Of the beasts of the field, and of the fishes of the sea, and of all foods that are acceptable in my sight you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the hoofed animals, broiled or ground into burgers, you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the cloven-hoofed animal, plain or with cheese, you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the cereal grains, of the corn and of the wheat and of the oats, and of all the cereals that are of bright color and unknown provenance you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the quiescently frozen dessert and of all frozen after-meal treats you may eat, but absolutely not in the living room. Of the juices and other beverages, yes, even of those in sippy-cups, you may drink, but not in the living room, neither may you carry such therein. Indeed, when you reach the place where the living room carpet begins, of any food or beverage there you may not eat, neither may you drink.

But if you are sick, and are lying down and watching something, then may you eat in the living room.

And if you are seated in your high chair, or in a chair such as a greater person might use, keep your legs and feet below you as they were. Neither raise up your knees, nor place your feet upon the table, for that is an abomination to me. Yes, even when you have an interesting bandage to show, your feet upon the table are an abomination, and worthy of rebuke. Drink your milk as it is given you, neither use on it any utensils, nor fork, nor knife, nor spoon, for that is not what they are for; if you will dip your blocks in the milk, and lick it off, you will be sent away. When you have drunk, let the empty cup then remain upon the table, and do not bite it upon its edge and by your teeth hold it to your face in order to make noises in it sounding like a duck; for you will be sent away.

When you chew your food, keep your mouth closed until you have swallowed, and do not open it to show your brother or your sister what is within; I say to you, do not so, even if your brother or your sister has done the same to you. Eat your food only; do not eat that which is not food; neither seize the table between your jaws, nor use the raiment of the table to wipe your lips. I say again to you, do not touch it, but leave it as it is. And though your stick of carrot does indeed resemble a marker, draw not with it upon the table, even in pretend, for we do not do that, that is why. And though the pieces of broccoli are very like small trees, do not stand them upright to make a forest, because we do not do that, that is why. Sit just as I have told you, and do not lean to one side or the other, nor slide down until you are nearly slid away. Heed me; for if you sit like that, your hair will go into the syrup. And now behold, even as I have said, it has come to pass.

Laws Pertaining to Dessert

For we judge between the plate that is unclean and the plate that is clean, saying first, if the plate is clean, then you shall have dessert. But of the unclean plate, the laws are these: If you have eaten most of your meat, and two bites of your peas with each bite consisting of not less than three peas each, or in total six peas, eaten where I can see, and you have also eaten enough of your potatoes to fill two forks, both forkfuls eaten where I can see, then you shall have dessert. But if you eat a lesser number of peas, and yet you eat the potatoes, still you shall not have dessert; and if you eat the peas, yet leave the potatoes uneaten, you shall not have dessert, no, not even a small portion thereof. And if you try to deceive by moving the potatoes or peas around with a fork, that it may appear you have eaten what you have not, you will fall into iniquity. And I will know, and you shall have no dessert.

On Screaming

Do not scream; for it is as if you scream all the time. If you are given a plate on which two foods you do not wish to touch each other are touching each other, your voice rises up even to the ceiling, while you point to the offense with the finger of your right hand; but I say to you, scream not, only remonstrate gently with the server, that the server may correct the fault. Likewise if you receive a portion of fish from which every piece of herbal seasoning has not been scraped off, and the herbal seasoning is loathsome to you, and steeped in vileness, again I say, refrain from screaming. Though the vileness overwhelm you, and cause you a faint unto death, make not that sound from within your throat, neither cover your face, nor press your fingers to your nose. For even now I have made the fish as it should be; behold, I eat of it myself, yet do not die.

Concerning Face and Hands

Cast your countenance upward to the light, and lift your eyes to the hills, that I may more easily wash you off. For the stains are upon you; even to the very back of your head, there is rice thereon. And in the breast pocket of your garment, and upon the tie of your shoe, rice and other fragments are distributed in a manner wonderful to see. Only hold yourself still; hold still, I say. Give each finger in its turn for my examination thereof, and also each thumb. Lo, how iniquitous they appear. What I do is as it must be; and you shall not go hence until I have done.

Various Other Laws, Statutes, and Ordinances

Bite not, lest you be cast into quiet time. Neither drink of your own bath water, nor of bath water of any kind; nor rub your feet on bread, even if it be in the package; nor rub yourself against cars, nor against any building; nor eat sand.

Leave the cat alone, for what has the cat done, that you should so afflict it with tape? And hum not that humming in your nose as I read, nor stand between the light and the book. Indeed, you will drive me to madness. Nor forget what I said about the tape.

Complaints and Lamentations

O my children, you are disobedient. For when I tell you what you must do, you argue and dispute hotly even to the littlest detail; and when I do not accede, you cry out, and hit and kick. Yes, and even sometimes do you spit, and shout "stupid-head" and other blasphemies, and hit and kick the wall and the molding thereof when you are sent to the corner. And though the law teaches that no one shall be sent to the corner for more minutes than he has years of age, yet I would leave you there all day, so mighty am I in anger. But upon being sent to the corner you ask straightaway, "Can I come out?" and I reply, "No, you may not come out." And again you ask, and again I give the same reply. But when you ask again a third time, then you may come out.

Hear me, O my children, for the bills they kill me. I pay and pay again, even to the twelfth time in a year, and yet again they mount higher than before. For our health, that we may be covered, I give six hundred and twenty talents twelve times in a year; but even this covers not the fifteen hundred deductible for each member of the family within a calendar year. And yet for ordinary visits we still are not covered, nor for many medicines, nor for the teeth within our mouths. Guess not at what rage is in my mind, for surely you cannot know.

For I will come to you at the first of the month and at the fifteenth of the month with the bills and a great whining and moan. And when the month of taxes comes, I will decry the wrong and unfairness of it, and mourn with wine and ashtrays, and rend my receipts. And you shall remember that I am that I am: before, after, and until you are twenty-one. Hear me then, and avoid me in my wrath, O children of me.

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/1997/02/laws-concerning-food-and-drink-household-principles-lamentations-of-the-father/5013/

The after-crochet party

2011-11-01T23:23:00.003-05:00

This past week has been a full one. The fullness of fall and all that it entails has happened this week. Last Wednesday, I facilitated a pumpkin carving party-- 27 pumpkins carved, 26 pumpkins' seeds baked! Whew! What an afternoon.

Yesterday we had a Halloween hot chocolate event at our little community center that was the grand finale to the community trick-or-treat extravaganza. The hundreds of little plastic toys bagged and given to the kids seemed to be a great success. (And hundreds of kids and families came!)

But, for me, the cold air and reminder of the need for warm things brings up the idea of something warm and soft. What I really like getting out this time of year is a cup of coffee and my wool yarn with a crochet hook or knitting needle. My grandmother taught me the art of making a granny square when I was probably around 10 years old. I remember loving to just sit in our living room chair and make lots and lots of them, so excited about the beautiful thing that was coming from the hook and soft yarn in my hands. On a bit of a whim (and for my own enjoyment) I decided that I was going to try and teach the community kids just how to crochet. On top of the other events I held with the community children, we had a "crochet club" on Friday night. I had no idea that this was going to be such a popular event. A friend helped me teach, and 2 other moms showed up wanting to join in. And probably around 15 kids-- from all over the world-- both girls and boys! (a big deal) Anyway, we had a lot of fun, and though I thought that I was a little overzealous in trying to teach the kids how to make a hat or a scarf, we did succeed for the most part in teaching them how to do the chain stitch. The part that made me realize that they actually enjoyed the event was the desire for me to cancel all my hiking events and replace them with crocheting. They tell me it's too cold outside to go hiking-- they'd rather sit inside, warm, with a hook and yarn in hand.

I can't say that I blame them. I might just have to reschedule a couple things. Here the kids are 30 minutes after we finished class. They sat in the lobby late into the evening crocheting chains. They are way cool.

Speaking of projects, I would have to say that this is one of my favorite times of the day.

Asher sleeping, and Josie and I at the table doing our morning "art time". Art time for Josie usually includes paper and drawing tools, or maybe paint. Art time for me could be anything. Today, I was working on Advent supplies for our Sunday school class, an Advent Calendar, a jewelry photo shoot, and cloth pads. A productive day with the sewing, a not so productive day with keeping the house clean.

But all things considered, enjoyable.

Yue Yue

2011-10-27T16:09:00.003-05:00

I shudder each time I think I what happened last week to little Yue Yue, and haven't had the frame of mind or desire to imagine or write about the scenario that left a toddler who was hit by a van to die on the side of the road in front of hundreds of people. The problem is that I can imagine it completely. There's more behind the story, let me assure you. Imagine a culture where the Good Samaritan is usually accused of being the bad guy.

I think that my friend Amy summed up my thoughts much better than I ever could have.

I recommend reading this post to understand the circumstance more fully, from another who has lived in China for many years and has hope and compassion for those who walk in fear.

Soup's On! (our Vegetarian soup staples!)

2011-10-27T11:11:00.007-05:00

It is most definitely that time of year-- soup time. And I have most definitely found that when yummy (or even outright delicious) soups have become part of our weekly meal planning, both my time and my grocery budget expands. We are no strangers to soup, and living in Vancouver, we have soup every week at Regent after Tuesday chapels, and every week with our small group. This week I had the privilege of washing dishes after Regent's soup lunch-- 500 bowls rinsed by hand before putting in the Hobart. But I digress. I wanted to post a few of our soup recipes that we make over and over again because, well, they are JUST SO YUMMY!

Hope you can try some-- I frequently put the ingredients in the crockpot to cook and smell throughout the day.

I made this one last night to honor my friend Jen who claims to dislike swiss chard. This was just to prove to her that it can be delicious (plus, our garden is full of it!) She called this morning asking for the recipe-- even her 7 month old son packed it in!

Barley Lentil Soup with Chard

And this one is a staple and has been posted before.

Butternut Bisque Soup

This one uses butternut and lots of other things-- I made it Monday and froze it for lunches and dinners that I don't want to cook this weekend

Butternut Chili

And this one... wow. It's amazing

Pumpkin Red Lentil Curry

I found this one and was surprised at how good it was! It's similiar to the barley lentil, but different too

Mediterranean Tomato, Lentil and Spinach Soup

If you love Thai food, then this one's for you. I've made it a couple times as well, using tofu instead of shrimp. It takes some shopping for... or you could get a thai soup packet I suppose.

Thai Coconut Soup

Keeping with the international flair-- try this one too!! Josie loves the peanuts in it!

African Sweet Potato and Peanut Soup

And there's the faithful chickpea soup--

Chickpea and Tomato Soup

If you like black beans, this one's a keeper.

Caribbean Black Bean Soup

And for the apple season, try this one

Carrot and Apple Soup

Well, these should lead to a couple of my online soup resources. Other favorite recipe sources come from my Moosewood Cookbook (soup recipes here)

favorites include Aspargus , Lentil Chili (good with the juice option)

and my Simply in Season Cookbook-- 2 vegetarian friendly and delicious books that we use very frequently.

Enjoy!

As good as it gets

2011-10-24T23:35:00.002-05:00

This is as pretty as my yard gets, and my house, for that matter.

Do you like that little window gem? Josie made it herself, even the little decorations on the corner of the frame. This was a craft project we did with the community last week-- a huge hit and really fun for me too. Just contact paper on one side with a little paper frame, and then put colorful leaves any which way, and seal it up with contact paper again! Tada!

And our little corner of the world. These red bushes have been making me smile all week. I love fall!

And I love this little guy.

He also has made me crack a grin a time or two.

You really can't help yourself!

Storage solutions

2011-10-22T20:18:00.002-05:00

With the influx of children and their increase of age, we are realizing that the toys we have are becoming greater in number and more spread around the entire house.

So we've had to find some storage solutions.

Luckily there was a huge sale today at Michael's. We are now proud owners of all the toy baskets we could use.

I'm a happy mama.

And, the kids, well, they like them too.

First candle blowout attempt and birthday presents

2011-10-21T00:12:00.004-05:00

Yesterday morning Asher came into our bed before the sun was up (which isn't saying much these days), but as Dave and I lay there half asleep, Asher started making blowing and buzzing sounds with his mouth. This went on for quite some time, and Dave and I both found ourselves sprayed by him. Later that day, I had a candle lit and he began the process again, only making his "hot" sound too. I realized he was practicing blowing out the candle. Here's a little clip that would explain just why he was practicing this particular skill. You see, I think he's determined to make the candle go out with breath, and not with fingers during his next opportunity.

As suspected, Josie has been enjoying all of Asher's new birthday presents immensely. We carried a box of toys from my mom home with us on the plane and Josie has been waking up early to make sure she has as much time as possible to enjoy them. I think she actually learned how to play during our weeks away and has been totally immersed in building legos and puzzles lately which I've been thankful for.

These little gems were given to Asher from our good friend Jamie-- and guess who has played with them the most?

But, I have been impressed that Asher was able to stack them on top of each other by himself. And today, we made it all the way to the playground sans-stroller and without me carrying Asher. He walked by himself the entire way! I'm impressed. This little guy is sure growing up fast!

And now, when people ask me how old my kids are, I can respond-- I have a one year old and a two year old. I don't really blame them that I get raised eyebrows and a look of awe.

time to start thinking

2011-10-18T12:49:00.002-05:00

about making something like this!

http://www.asiaramblin.com/2011/01/advent-calendar-finale.html

I've been inspired by this Advent Calendar for a year now, and really really hope to make one. Thanks for the idea Kim!

Happy Birthday Asher!

2011-10-18T10:57:00.002-05:00

From asher birthday

Precious little boy. You have come a LONG way! We love you! Happy Birthday!

From asher birthday

The web of friends and family

2011-10-17T13:12:00.005-05:00

Getting back to Vancouver a couple days ago I realized just HOW NICE it was to be with friends and family for an extended time. I think I almost forgot what it was like to have my own house, my own sink full of dishes, my own loads of laundry needing washing next door, my own clutter in the house.

Boy was it nice to be with friends and family. Nice that my daughter can look through these pictures and identify her cousins.

Nice for my kids to know they had cousins. Nice for us to know we have friends -- some of who have known us almost 15 years.

Some who have knows us our entire lives.

I think Dave's college friend Luke summed it up pretty well when we said goodbye to each other after several days together. "Oh, it hurts to say goodbye, I was just getting used to being together!"

But back at home, we arrived in time to go to church and help with Sunday School, and then to a birthday party of our 2 neighbor's two year old girls.. and I'm refreshed to realize that we are here now, and making good friends again. Friends who are becoming like family.

Mother Russia Reunion

2011-10-17T00:34:00.002-05:00

After spending close to a week in Wheaton celebrating my 10th reunion with such wonderful people, we traveled to Michigan to spend time with Dave's college roommates. Wonderful hardly describes what it's like to be with people you adore, and to have time to spend with them that allows for walks on the beach or along dirt roads with falling leaves, mulitple cups of coffee and pancake breakfasts. Sharing stories of the past 10 years and watching your children play together. That is special beyond words. Fun for me to get to know Dave's friends better-- and even watch video footage of early college years. Some things have changed! (and some things haven't!) Here are some photos from our time in MI with the "Mother Russia" (the name of the house Dave lived with these guys in) crew.

Michigan

2011-10-15T17:40:00.001-05:00

I do have about 2000 other photos to talk about our time in Sawyer, MI, but since this is one of the only pictures I have of our whole family smiling, I thought it deserved its own post!

Reunion part 2

2011-10-10T20:49:00.004-05:00

Wheaton Fall

2011-10-05T13:10:00.003-05:00

We are here in Wheaton, getting ready for homecoming weekend, and having a great time (despite my children's facial expressions:) Check out their new experiences on "the farm"-- so fun to experience a mid-west Autumn!

From Wheaton

Thank goodness it's Friday

2011-09-30T18:34:00.001-05:00

6 years!

2011-09-28T22:54:00.004-05:00

Holy Smokes! I just now realized I've been blogging for over 6 years. SIX YEARS. And it all started here where I feebly attempted to capture in words and pictures one of the many wonderful and incredible experiences of my life. But blogging hardly captures the experience, though it is a neat thing to look back on. A blog is like having a little "note to self" conversation with the world, and apparently I've been talking to myself for over 6 years. Amazing. Sometimes I think it would be good to listen to myself from years past.

I start and end with this first thought...

"These beautiful days

must enrich all my life.

They do not exist merely as pictures

Maps held on the walls of memory

but they saturate themselves into every part of my body

and live always"

John Muir

Today's entertainment

2011-09-28T14:35:00.000-05:00

brought to you by Josie.

Asher Walking

2011-09-26T18:25:00.001-05:00

Before Asher gets a little too competent at his new found skill, I thought I would share this little gem.

rainy day Monday

2011-09-26T12:56:00.005-05:00

When I arrived in Vancouver over a year and a half ago, I did notice that almost the entire city was dressed something like this. I soon found out why. The weather from October to March can be described as "deluge". Now that my head is slightly out of baby fog and moment to moment survival, I'm watching the rain pour down and wondering what we can do indoors to survive this fall and winter. Unfortunately, I missed my gymnastics sign up time, and the library is closed on Mondays. I'm going to have to get creative with our indoor time.

But, at least we're semi prepared for the outdoors too.

Although this is the only umbrella we own. It looks very cute with Josie's multifascited pink attire, but Dave and I might just want to invest in our own. What do you think?

And now that we have our weather proof Chariot, we're set to go. Outdoor adventure anyone?

Applesauce round duo

2011-09-21T23:35:00.006-05:00

If you ever wondered what making applesauce is like with 25 kids, one kitchen and some trees-- wonder no further. It's something like this...

Getting ready to go

2011-09-21T11:15:00.006-05:00

We are all gearing up for some movement here. As you can see, nothing is ever still or boring in this house! And Asher is dressed for an upcoming important occasion.

We are gearing up for a big trip in less than 2 weeks. When I mean big, I mean Katie and 2 little kids flying solo to Chicago for my Ten Year Wheaton Reunion Ten Years ago (actually, more than that) I was a graduate of this fine institution for the first time (5 years later I graduated again from the grad school, but the first time always seems the most momentous!) Can it really be TEN years ago? That is seriously hard to imagine, but when I think about what has happened in the past ten years, it's more palpable. Dave will join me for the weekend, and my mom for the week. I'll have several days to stay with my Wheaton family-- a pleasure I've been missing since we've lived in Canada. It's high time I go back to a place I consider a second home. And during the weekend we'll go to football games and class dinners and other reunion events. That will be fun. But you know what is really drawing me to this reunion?

Now that is worth making the trip!

I wonder who else will be there?

Pleasures

2011-09-19T12:56:00.003-05:00

I would say "simple pleasures" but there's nothing all that simple about having a garden, at least for a first time gardener. But there is something highly satisfying about picking and preparing your own food from the ground.

Jojo was inspired too.

Farm Fun

2011-09-18T00:55:00.003-05:00

Just a few images from a farm day that our on-campus learning farm had on Friday. This right here is the reason that Josie begs to go as often as we can.

So when friends asked if we wanted to tag along for the afternoon, there wasn't really any question. Local produce being sold, local musicians playing live music. A whole organic farm to explore makes for a fun few hours.

A handsome man even came out of the library to meet us. Even better.

This Moment

2011-09-16T14:13:00.001-05:00

Today-- I wonder

2011-09-15T16:19:00.009-05:00

From Drop Box

4:30 am and I wake up with Asher to get his milk. I have a problem going back to sleep in the morning so I finally got out of bed about 5:45 to enjoy candlelit devotions. There is something wonderful about the early morning, especially when you go to bed at a decent hour the night before. I was inspired. Inspired enough to watch the dawn come in over the water. By 7 am I was at the beach, going for a run.

Canada geese on the beach, beautiful clouds over the mountains, rocks with the waves lapping up on them.

But I came home an hour later to this

This is Josie and her cousin Sophie, apparently.

And when it started to rain we moved the art project inside

. Window markers, why not? Of course others wanted in on the action too.

And when that got boring, other avenues of expression were discovered.

Impressive except that now the pastels will break extra easily!

But I am impressed with what Josie is coming up with these days. At two.

And since it seemed everyone was content to work at their own projects, I got my massive one out to work on. Do you have any idea what this could be?

Maybe this gives another hint

Or maybe this?

Well, it's a year long project (at least) in the beginning stages.

I wonder what it could be?

Being right where you are

2011-09-14T12:52:00.004-05:00

We are coming upon the 10 month mark of living in the same place. For those of you who know us, that in itself is a very big celebration! Chances are we might make it to at least a year, maybe even a year and a half, until we have to move again. Twelve months ago, when this last move was on our horizon (and it was only a move of about 400 meters, but a move to a new community anyway), I had probably one of my biggest moments of panic and anxiety. I was weeks from giving birth, and the memory of our move across continents and oceans with a three week old, then a 6 month old was fresh and raw. I finally realized moving was inevitable, and though I didn't know where we would be, I would have to make peace with God about it.

I told him something like this.

"Ok Lord, if you want us to move again, please put us in a place where we can love the people around us and love you."

And he put us here.

To a student family housing unit marked to be torn down. One we've done what we can to carve out a place to cultivate our family and live right where we are. A place that I can paint old dressers and make makeshift fences to keep the children from running into the road. And boy have we been blessed.

Some kids left this note on our back table the other day along with a handful of candy.

Can you guess what it says? **

It was left after a activity something like this.

Thanks to Josie and Asher, our home (or, our back patio to be more accurate) has become a regular art table and craft zone for the community kids. And this isn't even related to my job, though the community center will get a taste of that too. Here's what we are making today.

We will see what happens when we try and make sock puppets with who knows how many kids.

We will see what happens because no one can predict what happens when kids have access to craft supplies. For example, this very thing is happening as I write this blog post.

I guess it's time to wrap these thoughts up. Be right where you are, as you are able. Carve out spaces of time and place where you can grow with those around you. Don't miss opportunities to smile. (Even when you might go crazy!)

I'm really enjoying these books at the moment as I think these things.

Stability. Sabbath. Things I am learning about and wanting to grow in. Right where we are.

**To anybody in the family-- a note with a gift. Written by girls who have recently moved to Canada from Egypt and Saudi Arabia, doing what they can to sound out the English. So sweet.

how to get your two year old to eat green vegetables

2011-09-14T12:43:00.003-05:00

Or, how to make Kale Chips

So Simple. Just tear kale from the stem, toss with olive oil, a tad of balsamic vinegar and sea salt. Set on a baking sheet and put in the oven set at 325 until they are all dried out and crispy. Turn them a couple times. It usually takes about 20 min.

Indulge!

who's who, what's what, and where did it come from

2011-09-12T18:05:00.012-05:00

Each night before we go to bed we have snuggle time and time to talk about the day. After Josie reviews the events of the day, she generally has to review who everyone is, what their relationship is to one another, and what they are doing. Most nightly questions and statements sound something like this:

"I'm a big durl (girl). Asher is a baby boy. Mommy is a woman. Daddy is a man."

"Is Carl's mommy a woman? Is Amabell's daddy a man? Is Matthew's mommy a woman?"

"Mommy, I am your daughter. Asher is Daddy's son. Is Josie Daddy's daughter?"

"Is Asher Mommy's son?

Where did Asher come from?"

That last question was asked during our talk last night. Luckily, because we garden almost every day the answer I gave was both true, age appropriate, and understandable.

My reply was something like this:

"Do you remember when we planted seeds in the garden and they grew and grew and now we are picking our food? We have tomatoes and swiss chard and beens and beets-- so many good things. Well, once there was a little Asher seed planted in Mommy and he grew and grew and finally, when he was all done, Mommy popped him out. Then you had a little baby brother"

"Where did Josie come from?"

The same story seemed to answer the question.

"Am I Asher's sister? Is Asher my brother? Is daddy a man?

Yes. Yes, and yes.

"Mommy, I am two. I am a big girl."

More than you know Jos, more than you know.

Those stairs

2011-09-08T17:15:00.002-05:00

Remember those stairs--

Look what we found at the top of them last night on our way to bed.

We knew the kids were sleeping.

We just did not know where. Occasionally we try and pin down which of our kids behaviors come from which parent. The crazy dinnertime antics-- definitely Dave. The sitting at the top of the stairs because it feels like you are part of what is happening down below (we were watching a movie)... I think that could be me. Sneaky. She even thought to bring her pillow and bear to enjoy the show.

My boys

2011-09-08T17:02:00.001-05:00