Being a Stay at Home Mom Without Losing Your Mind Tip #7: Trecking through Transitions

Rachel Deering is a former classmate and housemate of mine at Wheaton.  She lives with her husband Mark and children: Caleb, Abbey and Nathan in Nashville.  Growing up as a TCK, she's had lots of transitions.  I'm sure that her experiences have helped her weather the motherhood journey with grace and an ability to get though the storm (and help others along the way!)  Thanks Rachel!

Transitions

When I became a mom 7 years ago, I knew it was going to be a HUGE transition.  My life was going to change.  What I wasn't completely prepared for were all of the transitions that motherhood would continue to produce in my life.  When i talk to my friends about struggles in the daily grind of motherhood, it often surrounds a transition in the child's life, and thus a transition in parenting.  Here are a few big ones:

Baby sleeping through the night.  Potty training.  Giving up the pacifier.  Giving up the thumb sucking.  Sleeping in his/her own bed.  Going to college.  (yikes!!!)  Stopping the tantrums.  Moving to a big boy/girl bed.  Going to kindergarten.  First babysitter.  Potty training at night.  Giving up their nap.  And the list goes on...

There are few things I have learned along the way that have helped during times of transition.  3 kids produce A LOT of transitions.  Even as I write down this list, I am reminded of things that I need to focus on for my sanity today.  Here are a few transition "reminders" or "unchanging truths" that I focus on when I begin to pull my hair out:

1.  Someone else's baby/child will do this transition better or faster than my child.  

Okay, this is a big one.  For some reason, we compare our children to other children.  Heck, to their brothers and sisters.  And in that moment, we forget that each child is a unique gift from God.  Unique.  And comparing each child's progress during a transition is undermining God's unique individual.  One thing that I have found helpful is setting myself up for disappointment from the start.  I am not trying to sound negative...but lowering the expectation and recognizing that someone's child probably slept through the night from day 1 (note the current transition I am dealing with) helps me relax.  And helps my child.  And we enjoy one another a lot more when I am not stressed about the transition.

2.  Some other mom will do this transition more gracefully than me.

I could be making a huge assumption here - but I tend to compare myself to other moms.  And during an already tough transition, I am just pouring salt on the wound.  I am the only mom to my 3 kids.  And again, God thought I would be a pretty good mom to these 3 kids.  There are days that I really doubt this, and it only makes things worse.  So once again, I try to recognize that other moms will have more grace than me in certain transitions.  Do I think they would do a better job then me with my children??  No, that is not what I am saying.  Does the sin living in me try to convince me that they might be a better parent to my children?  Yes.  I need God's grace to recognize the truth:  that I am the best mom for my 3 kids.  The mom's that handle transitions better then me are the ones allowing God's grace to live through them during that transition.

3.  Parents and child have to both be ready for the transition.

This is a lesson I have learned through trial and error.  I remember when my son wanted to use the bathroom himself.  I thought...wow, this is great!  He is ready to give up diapers at 22 months.  Let's do this thing.  Big mistake.  I was not ready for the time commitment and follow through.  Did I mention I had a 4 month old baby and moved to a new house?  I was not able to fully commit to the transition.  I learned lesson and waited until we were both ready when my daughter was old enough to be potty trained.  Who cares if she wore diapers a little longer?  When both of us were on the same page, the transition was smooth.  I am not saying easy, but smooth.  I didn't pull all of my hair out and I actually was a pleasant person to be around.

4.  Lastly, the transition will eventually happen whether you like it or not.

Your son or daughter will not wear diapers in college.  He will sleep through the night, and she will one day not come out of her room 23 times in one night.  I have to remind myself DAILY that things will eventually happen.  Sometimes I forget this reality, and push my kids too hard.  Other times, I don't want things to change and I hold them back.  I want to protect them but at the same time I need to realize that they have to learn through trial and error just like me.  The best thing I can do for my kids is to pray over them.  Daily.  That God would protect them during these transitions and help me to let go and to reel them in at all the right times.

So when I hear the question, "Is your baby sleeping through the night yet?", I take a breath and try not to stress.  I try really hard to not compare myself to the mom who is asking the question, or compare my son to the overachiever I heard about, and try really hard not to run home and micro-manage my family.  Do I succeed at all of this?  No.  But reminding myself of these truths helps me not lose my mind.