The past 2 years I was uniquely blessed to have met and been shown
extraordinary hospitality by the Brenners.
David and Madeiline hosted my Dave for a summer while he interned at the
church they attended. (Though
"attended" is a rather non-impressive word for what they did at UPC,
as they were amazingly involved in ministry at all levels of the church). Even before I dated Dave I heard about the
Brenners because, well, put simply, they were amazing people. And as Dave and I grew in our relationship
and then prepared for marriage, we looked to people in our own transformative
times of life for clues in how we wanted to live. Here is where I really heard about
Madeline. You see, Madeline has an
amazing house. And more impressive to
Dave is that it is orderly, and there are stores and stores of ingredients to
cook amazing meals. (And cook vegetarian
meals for an entire summer for their guest!) And stores and stores of homemade
jam for peanut butter and jelly toast.
So, when we made our first trip as a family to visit David and Madeline,
I was prepared to be impressed. And boy
was I ever. The house is gorgeous and
unique, there seemed to be an unlimited supply of cookbooks lining the kitchen
and dining room shelves. I had heard
about the cooking, so this was expected.
But was blessed by so much more.
During our visits over the past 2 years, I have had different ages of
baby/pregnancy/babies. This gorgeous
home was also the home of their 2 children, and they had treasured and saved
the things that were special to them from their baby and childhood years. So, this meant that the little baby reading chair came out for Josie to sit in
when she was 7 months old along with all of the board books in storage. Later, when Josie was almost 2 and Asher 6
months old, the doll house, the board books, the cat toys and whatever else was
of interest to my children were brought up to play with. And I could sit on the lovely couch looking
out at the flowers sipping tea. (And
boy, was there tea to have!) And what most
blessed me was the time that both Madeline and David spent with us in making
meals and deep conversation (I don't think I mentioned, they are the busy. When you are both lawyers, that tends to be
the case).
Being super busy never deterred them.
Each time we passed through, we were given a place to stay, cooked for,
and had blessed fellowship. For me, I
gleaned what I could from this woman who had a girl and a boy (like me) and
though she was trained to be a lawyer, chose to be a stay at home mom during
her children's childhood because being with them was most important. We heard about cross country vacations in the
car, and around the world trips where the family bought plane tickets to fly
around the world and every person in the family could choose a destination and
research it so when this home school experiment was realized, the children in
fact were expert tour guides by the time they reached the far reaches of the
world.
Before I met Madeleine, and especially after, I wanted to be like her someday. Capable, extremely intelligent, hospitable, and
organized, with a love for God and for her family and whose life showed itself
by being a river of blessing to everyone she met. And she had been what I am, a mom to two
little energy bundles that probably had the same ability to create catastrophe
in their wake, but as she talked about her children (now grown into young
adults) she only smiled the joy of the memories. For a jet lagged, haggard, overwhelmed mama
(which I seemed to be every time I spent a day or two at her house) that's just
what I needed to hear.
Our last visit we were coming home from China, and Madeleine both brought
us to the airport for our trip and picked us up again. We stayed with she and David a couple days on
each end to prepare for and recover from that big trip. Of course she took us to church and to Costco
and cooked amazing meals. Oh, and also
cooked meals for our friends that also happened to be in the area and we wanted
to see and they both spent hours encouraging every person that darkened their
door wherever they happened to come from.
(Now, that's what I call extraordinary hospitality!) It was Easter season and Madeleine also had
decided that her goal for Lent was to write a personal letter (by hand, a lost
art) a day to different people because, well, that's just the kind of person
she is.
Our last trip through Seattle we decided to make the long trip home from
the airport the night we flew in. We
felt we needed to get home. The Spirit
leads in ways we can't ever understand.
We indeed needed to go home to Vancouver that night; that was the night Madeleine
died. She had had a brain anurism at the
gym and died soon after. We didn't know
until this past Saturday. Dave had a
class last weekend taught by someone who knew them well and when Dave ventured
to make a connection to this Seattle native by mentioning this family that had
been such a blessing to him the professor replied "oh yes, Madeleine, she
was such a wonderful woman, and her funeral was beautiful."
You can imagine the shock, disbelief, and grief that moment brought. Dave
wasn't prepared for that during his class break. I wasn't prepared for that when he told me
upon returning home from class when he sat down on the couch that held the
piles of books I was busily rearranging on our bookshelf. We were even planning a trip through Seattle
this weekend and had been talking about whether we should go a day early and
stay with Madeleine and David. Again,
the Spirit moves in really amazing ways, because we would have just emailed asking
to stay over and had never known.
In light of all this, I have been grieving Madeleine's death, and grieving
not only the loss of a person I really had only known for such a short time,
but for her husband, children and those close to her. All those books and toys saved for
grandchildren she'll meet in eternity, the love poured out on so many people--
and I had only barely understood the impact this woman had made. The fact that we didn't know she died
indicates that our lives don't intersect regularly, yet her hospitality and
friendship impacted us so much as we passed through a couple of times. Imagine the impact on people she's blessed for years!!
I'm taking a long time getting to my point about motherhood here as I've
been sharing about this wonderful mother, but I haven't stopped thinking about
her since Saturday evening. Her life was
lived in the light of eternity. She
smiled at the memories of toddlerhood and chose to be in the thick of it rather
than in a courtroom, though by all means, she was entitled to that. Being a stay at home mom was more important
than success and prestige. And following
the daily grind of being a mother to young children, it seems that she
continued to pour out her many talents to be an extraordinary mom. Not only that-- but in every way she
could. The family always sat down to a
home cooked meal-- and not just any meal, but an amazing meal. Every week she tried a recipe they'd never
had before and if they liked it, it would be put into the rotation.
One more thing. We had a
conversation about death and the grief it brings, especially the death of a
child. And I clearly remember her saying
that losing a child has to be the greatest and hardest loss a parent can have. But
she was clear to make a point in the wake of grief: because life is so precious, you must embrace
the life you have and embrace and love other children even more because you
realize so acutely just how fleeting it is. We simply don’t have time to remain
in a self pity that takes from our task of loving in abundance. (*** I have not lost a child, but certainly have grieved that loss of loved ones who have. A great comfort and encouragement is the biblical pictures painted for children in heaven. This article has been wonderful comfort and hope thinking of children given real significance through their "work" in heaven!)
Today, I swept the floors for what I must have been 5 times before lunch
and 2 times after, and calmed tantrums, changed diapers, picked up crayons,
mopped up pee and whatever else was on the floor... Afterward, I was struck
with this thought-- love these kids, love your life, it is so fleeting so you
must do the things that matter. I
definitely don't mean "spend a lot of money doing what you want because
you'll never know what tomorrow brings".
What I mean is, do the things that bring real rivers of living water to
people you love.
Do I spend hours in the futile attempt at keeping my house clean and become
so frustrated because like I said, it's a fail fail situation every time? No. I
need to dig deep into the things that last.
Dig into prayer. Dig into
worship. Dig into loving my children and
sharing with them just how wonderful this life we've been given is. Practice overwhelming hospitality. Use my talents and resources to bless others
whatever journey they are on and keep my eyes on Jesus. Seize moments and days as gifts to be lived
while I can. Don’t hold onto bitterness
or be unforgiving, that only takes away life, life that was meant for living!
I'm so thankful for the 5 days of my life I have spent with Madeline
Brenner. In those 5 days I have learned something about how to be a stay at home mom without losing my mind, and as I reflect on the
surprise of her crossing over to be with Jesus—I am challenged to live this
life of motherhood in the light of eternity.
1 comments:
What a legacy!
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