I had posted some of my old experiences right before we left and now that we’ve been and come back again, I’m wondering what this whole trip—this trip that we’ve been planning since we left China almost 2 years ago with a 3 week old baby and 500 lbs of luggage in tow—what was this trip all about and what did it mean to me?
If someone were to ask me if I could summarize the trip in 2 words, those words would be “coming home.” How odd that a world totally different from the one I grew up in, a culture so totally different from my own personality and background, a place that I probably spent more time groaning about and wishing was different felt so much like home. What was it that made it feel like that?
Reconnecting with people- people who’ve known me for 10 years or more. Since leaving China we’ve been in a tumult of transitions and creating new identities for ourselves that is was just so nice to come to a place that I could be myself (and all that means- the good and bad) with those who I’ve shared so much with and who I love dearly. There’s a commonality among foreigners living in China—if you’ve been there you’d know what I mean—that we’re understood. But there’s a commonality among Chinese friends who we’ve had heart connections with that are ties just as strong. I’ve been welcomed as a stranger to this country by people who have shown me tremendous generosity and love over the long haul. Seeing them again was such a gift.
Reconnecting with myself. I arrived in China fresh out of college. When it comes down to it, I became an adult in China. I had my first real job there, I made lots of mistakes, learned a lot from those mistakes, dreamed, groaned, laughed, cried, longed, ran, slept, ate, navigated, won, lost, and lived my life in China for the greater part of my 20’s. That’s a lot of years. I fell in love in China, celebrated my marriage, had my first child. It’s been over a decade since my first visit in the summer of 2000 and now my life has been inextricably intertwined with that place. However, life has changed so drastically in the past 2 years since leaving (4 moves, 3 countries, 2 children and a totally different life!), and I wondered if I would still be able to function there. I could. It took some warming up—like navigating a huge fabric market and finding the right combination of fabrics for a duvet cover. The old art teacher in me used to be able to take it all in and make quick decisions about design and color combinations—and then bargain for great prices on fabric. I must admit my visit back to the fabric market was a completely overwhelming experience – I was certainly rusty at my old antics, but I did warm up eventually. The same applied to navigating Chinese traffic, street food vendors, markets, old streets. Overall, I surprised myself that I was able to assimilate back in and do it as a mom of 2 kids. (honestly though, pushing a stroller around these old places was... um... stressful at times! China is not stroller and kid friendly when it comes to safety on the roads!)
Reconnecting with place. I haven’t checked because I’m afraid to, but I’m afraid I probably put a few inches back on my waistline over the last two weeks. This is because we just HAD to find as many favourite restaurants and street food places and eat as much as we could. Probably Dave more than myself, but certainly me too—LOVES Chinese food. The real stuff. The tasty, oily, msg laden, fried, grilled, boiled food. Sad but true that a big part of knowing the city is knowing all the little mom and pop restaurants where we could get lots of delicious cuisine for such reasonable prices. I think we dreamed about food for a good 6 months before our trip! Even though the city has been completely revamped (and when I say completely, I mean it’s unrecognizable from my first years in China), there’s still a familiarity with the way we navigate and find good stuff to eat. Like getting up early to catch the street food vendors for a great fried egg wrap and fresh soy milk. Like going to the outdoor markets to get delicious strawberries by the kilo- daily.
It’s probably a good thing that along with knowing the best places to eat, I also used to spend a great deal of time knowing the best places to run. I at least got out to do that twice while in China with Kim, the one I used to go on 20 mile runs with before Church in morning. I think we might have managed to run for 20 minutes. And though I have no complaints about my current running situation in Vancouver—there’s something I miss about navigating the numerous sights and sounds of the morning streets in China. I especially smiled as we ran past the older folks doing their exercise routines along the canal. That is an entirely Chinese experience!
Living with purpose and expectation that God is at work in my life and in the lives around me. Now that I’m back in Vancouver, this is probably the thing I want to bring back with me. The thing I might just miss the most. There is a sense of calling and purpose for living among those who I know and love in China. It comes out in almost every conversation. Honestly, it has to among a group of people who have left everything familiar to live a God-loving life in a foreign place. I don’t think I realized how much I missed living in a community of people who so intentionally lived their lives. Once there, it’s almost easy to take for granted. I’ve missed that here. I think that partly I’ve been so overwhelmed with the task of parenting two little ones on such little sleep, and so much time worrying about how we are going to make ends meet as a family that there’s not as much space for the bigger questions of “how do I live and love intentionally in this place?” I used to have a job that required me to ask daily “what does it take to be fully alive?” I haven’t asked that question for a long time. I’m hoping I can and will ask and live more fully here.
Well, the baby is awake. Jet lag is a double duzy with young children. It’s probably time to start the day. I don't know how China will fit into my future, but it has been and is a part of me. I'm glad I got to think about that.
I used to have this written in my journal. I just thought of it now.
-Breastplate of St. Patrick
I bind unto myself today
The strong name of the Trinity
By invocation of the same,
The Three in One and One in Three.
I bind unto myself today
The power of God to hold and lead,
His eye to watch, his might to stay,
His ear to hearken to my need,
The wisdom of my god to teach,
His hand to guide, his shield to ward,
The Word of God to give me speech,
His heavenly host to be my guard.
I bind unto myself the name,
The strong name of the Trinity
By invocation of the same,
The Three in One and One in Three,
Of whom all nature has creation,
Eternal Father, Spirit, Word.
Praise to the Lord of my salvation;
Salvation is of Christ the Lord!
 |
| china 2011 |
 |
| kim's point & shoot |
1 comments:
Wow, I'm impressed.
Reflective on jet lag--with jet lagging kids!
Miss you guys!
Post a Comment